Life In the Fast Lane

About three years ago I was what some would call a pretty heavy drinker.  I would easily polish off a large bottle of wine every night by myself.  At that point our marriage was going through some pretty heavy struggles, I was a new bee to staying home with the kids and everything was so hectic all the time.  I remember I just kept going, going, and going.  I literally never stopped.  I remember that I had really bad anxiety at this point too.  If I remember correctly I slept probably about a good hour a night.  Which is why I began to drink very heavy, I would drink that bottle of wine every night no questions asked….because this was the way I would knock myself out to go sleep. I remember I would wake up every day with a terrible hang over….I was so groggy; I really wasn't ready to face any part of my day. I was unmotivated to do anything at all.  The most I would do was take care of the kids clean, the house and cook a meal……and I would hide…..I would hide behind those perfectly cooked meals and a perfectly cleaned home. I didn't want the outside world to see who I really was. I was a mess, physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally.

 At this point I wasn't happy at all. I wasn't happy with myself, I wasn't happy with my marriage, in general I just wasn't a happy person.  I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend one night, she and I had gone out to the cheese cake factory and we were chatting.  I asked her “do you ever feel like you just need something more?”  “Do you ever feel like that your just missing a huge part and you can’t figure it out?”  She replied “yes” so she and I kept hashing over what we thought we could do more of to become more fulfilled.  We talked about very shallow things to tell you the truth. We needed a new bag, a great pair of shoes, a new home.  You name it! If we didn't have it we were trying to figure out a way to get it to become fulfilled.

Fast forward about a year or two I had battled with almost losing our third child during pregnancy and almost losing my life as well. Battled severe postpartum depression, and heavy blow to our marriage I was becoming an even heavier drinker.  I was up two bottles a night and a couple “swigs’ during the day.  I added some hard liquor in the mix and a sleeping pill, to ensure I didn't wake up from panic attacks at night. I was so lost, and I was still looking for that missing facet in my life.  So at this point I started to do some serious soul searching. I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life in this pattern.  It wasn't making me any better.  It was making me worse. “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise’ Proverbs 20:1

So I decided to begin to see what a relationship with God would be like.  A real relationship, not only going to church on Sundays.  I mean everyday sitting down with him daily, reading the Bible and talking to him.  So I began to do this for about a month and I literally saw my life transform before my eyes.  That emptiness I felt was beginning to go away.  At that point I knew I found what I had been searching for, I found that “something more”.  At this point I was still drinking.  I read this verse in the Bible one morning and it said. “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8.  I took a good hard look at myself and I said “wow that’s me. I am not sober minded at all” At that point I decided it was time to put my new found faith into action and I began to fast.  I gave up my crutch and trusted God to allow me to walk without my crutch of alcohol.  It wasn’t easy by any means. “That your fasting may not be seen by others but 
by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in 
secret will reward you” Matthew 6:18

 I craved wine; I craved it at every meal. We went out to eat and I saw people drinking it and I wanted it.  But I didn’t get it.  Why didn’t I get it? Because I made a promise to God, I told him to better my life I would fast alcohol from here on out. I guess you can say that I put myself in my own recovery, but with the best doctor in the world. I have had alcohol since then, but I prayed about it before I had it.  I recently celebrated my 30^th birthday in March and we had a pretty big bash.  I asked God if it would be ok if I only had 2 cocktails and I believe he told me yes and so I did.  I asked permission to break my fast for only that one evening and I believe God allowed me to do so and I have not had alcohol since then. “On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Mark 2:17

Because I chose to fast I feel that God has rewarded me greatly. He has rewarded me with a better marriage; he has rewarded me with being a better mom.  He has released any anxiety that I was feeling. I have a better physical well-being. I am able to sleep at night without having to have 2 bottles of wine to knock me out. I am able to wake early and not feel like I just got hit by a Mack truck and force myself out of bed. I am able to think clearly and not make rash decisions.  I don’t stew about problems over a bottle of wine anymore.  I take it God and I get the best advice in the world. ““Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning” Joel 2:12

Sometimes we have to give a little to receive.  But let me tell you, giving up any crutch is well worth having a full relationship with God.  He allows you to have a life that has quality that has meaning that is really, worthwhile to live.  Because now you’re living it for him, not for you; when you live it for him you will have a life that is transformed more than you could’ve ever dream of.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” 2 Corinthians 5:17. 

Mercy and His Friend Grace

Three years ago my husband and I experienced a bump in the road in our relationship.  These bumps are not uncommon in any marriage; any marriage is susceptible to have hardship.  As I was reflecting on how we got through it the other day it dawned on me.  It was by the Grace of God.  At that present time I was very, very angry….enraged is really the only way to describe it.  I felt so helpless at this point of my life.  I have never traveled down this road before and I honestly had no idea how to fix our marriage.  But after a few weeks of trying to figure out how I would fix our relationship, or how my husband would fix our relationship I realized that I couldn't fix it. He couldn't fix it. Only God could fix it.

A few months went by and we were still struggling to get back on track.  I couldn't understand why this was happening. I didn't understand how our relationship could be in such turmoil…..I felt as though someone had died….that’s how much of a loss there was in our marriage.  I remember we would fight. We would fight like it was a fight to the death….it was really bad….I kept throwing things in my husband face….until one day.  I was reading in the Bible about the grace of God.  This particular day I was contemplating leaving my husband…and I opened my Bible to Titus 2:11 and it reads “ The grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” On this particular day when I was doing the convicting….God convicted me.

I was being taught that on this day when I felt that our relationship didn't deserve “my mercy” or “my grace” I realized that I was undeserving of God’s grace and his mercy….and that’s a scary thought.   James 2:13 says “For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy.” I thought to myself that day long and hard; that I was undeserving…I was undeserving of God’s grace and his mercy.  I am flawed just like everyone else I am no different.  I began to think about that, every single day of my life, I make mistakes and God still shows his mercy and grace to me.  So what did I do? I decided to be obedient to God. I wanted to be more Christ like so I decided that I would be merciful, show grace and compassion to where maybe it wasn't deserved, because I need the grace and mercy of Christ.

Although I made up my mind to be obedient to the Lord, it took time. It wasn't a miraculous overnight change.  I began to fast, and I cried, sometimes a couple times a day.... and I kept myself in prayer and in the word. Yes I was still upset at that time, but because I decided to show grace and mercy like Christ shows to me I became less and less angry and God began to restore our marriage. God honors us when we are obedient to him….being obedient comes with great reward. We are now blessed with a happy and healthy marriage. Both my husband and I changed with the help of the Lord. God used this as a learning tool for us.  To have greater value of our marriage to have a greater value for each other.We are still learning every day.  Just because we went through a hardship doesn't mean that we won’t go through one again. If we happen to reach another stumbling block we will have the proper tools that the Lord gave us three years ago to navigate through it.  Mark 10:9” Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

What I learned is that not one of us is perfect.  We all were created from sin, yet God loves each and every one of us.  What is so amazing about God is that he knows every single facet of our lives, yet he loves us in our entirety.  So today show a little grace and mercy to someone you may think might not deserve it. Obey God and he will bless your life more than you can ever imagine. “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Caution

Hi, we haven’t met yet.  But…I’m just a bit older, a bit more mature, with more life ahead of me….I want to tell you some things that will help you along the way…….

Laugh….Laugh hard…Laugh until your stomach aches, laughs until you can’t smile anymore.  Proverbs 17:22  A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Finish….Finish what you start…don’t get discouraged, you can do it, I believe in you.  Ecclesiastes 7:8 Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.

Accomplish…You made an accomplishment! I’m proud of you…and even though no one will ever tell you. I’m telling you. I’m proud of you.  Philippians 3:14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Love…..Don’t abuse yourself, and misuse yourself, value yourself, take pride in you. Even though you were never told you were loved.  I love you….The Lord loves you. Proverbs 19:8 whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.

Pray…. I know that you don’t have anyone to talk to…but pray…The Lord is with you and he hears your cries. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing,

Read your Bible….You can’t go at this life alone….You need guidance…Read the word, your soul needs it. Matthew 4:4 But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Cry….Don’t hold it in, don’t bottle it up. Let it out. Because that anger will harm you in the future.  Psalm 30:5 Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Forgive….Forgive those who have done wrong to you, don’t let those feeling linger. Give it to God.  Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Be confident….You are perfect just the way you are….You are beautiful…..Although no one will ever tell you. You are. Psalm 139:14 I praise you, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works! My very self you know.

You don’t have to be the best….Don’t sweat trying to be the best at everything. Do the best you are capable of and know it and own it. 1 Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth

Be courageous….Be bold, be fearless… Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Be YOU….Because there’s only one you and that’s good enough. 1 Samuel 16:7 For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

I am YOU and that was me….

I am no longer fearful of what lies ahead of me. Because I walk by faith not by sight. I put my life in the hands of the mighty one, my savior Christ Jesus.  I used to feel alone, but my God never left me.  1 john 4:4 "Greater is he that is in me, than he who is in this world."

I was being taught valuable lessons at a young age.....although they didn't feel valuable at that present time. I am stronger, I am loved, and I know he is proud of me and I have his happiness in me. Galatians 2:19:20 "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me"

Turn your trials in triumphs.

Wait!!!

“Patience is how you act while you are waiting” an old saying that my grandfather used to say me every day when I was a little girl and it has stuck with me till this very hour. I looked up the word origin of patience and it is Latin and it’s derived from the word suffering. When I read this it clicked with me that being patient is not supposed to be easy, nor is it supposed to be fun or quick for that matter. I think that there is a huge lesson from patience really….it teaches you to trust in God, it strengthens your faith and your character

.

I get a lot of questions on what my biggest struggle is.  Well it’s really simple; I have a hard time waiting I am impatient. However; I am working on it daily to strive to become better. When I talk about my struggle I always get asked the following question. “How do you work on it?”  My answer is this “I pray daily for the Lord to help me I pray that he gives me the mindfulness to be more Christ like in my day to day life.” I also have reminders; I set an alarm on my phone a few times and I add a Bible verse to it to help me become more mindful of patience. My favorite verse is “Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”  When we are struggling with something we often times need a constant reminder to improve.  The Lord has helped me greatly with my struggle and I know he will see me through it.  I can only rely upon him and of course I must do my part also.

How can waiting strengthen faith and trust in God?  I find that it teaches you to trust him while waiting on your blessings. That you know that even in the midst of your turmoil God will provide! When I read the origin of the word it made total sense to me.  Being patient is not supposed to be fun, nor is it supposed to be easy.  However; God will see to it that we are rewarded in due time. I have found that sometimes I am not ready for what I ask him for, or it may not be for me. I trust in the Lord to make the decisions for me because he ultimately knows what is best for me. He knows what’s best for all us!  We may not understand how God works all the time, but know that he’s working all the time in us.  He loves you he cares you and he wants the best for you. Trust in him and know him. “for he will never leave you nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6

Focus

After I had my first baby I had severe postpartum depression. It was probably one of the darkest years in my life.  I remember looking around at everyone else who just had babies and they were so happy! They had this glow and radiance about them. However I did not, I had dark bags under my eyes, I was crying all the time and I really don’t remember being happy.  It had nothing to do with my son, I loved my son dearly, it was me.  I had some people give me advice on “what was wrong with me” some said I was just “stressed,” “just tired,” others even called it a “luxury” to have this.  A luxury it was not. It almost felt like a punishment that’s the only way to describe it. 

I remember sitting in the house and watching The Rachel Ray show and they were talking about postpartum depression. The girl who was being interviewed was describing her symptoms and a light bulb went off to me. I said “oh no! I think I have that.”  I remember I tried to seek some counsel from friends and family.  But if you have never battled that giant you really don’t know how to handle it.  However at that time I was too ashamed to go to the doctor and I took the advice I was given from family and friends.  I had people give me advice that should not have been advising me, to tell you the truth.  I tried to implement some of the suggestions that I was given and it just didn't seem to help.  I had individuals giving me there armor to wear to fight my battles and it didn't fit me. I looked around and all I had was a couple stones to fight my battle against what felt like a giant. I felt helpless. I felt alone. I felt afraid. I felt defeated. 

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is David and Goliath. This story is actually what helped me though the battle of postpartum depression (with all three kids).  When David was about to fight the Giant king Saul came to him and told him to use his armor because he had the best. But, David did something that was so amazing.  He put it on and he tried to walk around in it and he realized that he couldn't wear it because it didn't fit.  It worked well for Saul because it was customized to fit him.  David then said to Saul that fighting with a sword may have worked for you but let me fight the giant my way.  Saul agreed and David fought the giant with the sling shot and took him down with one stone to the forehead. You see, what I find so amazing, is not that David took down a giant with a sling shot. But, he didn't focus on the great problem that he was facing.  He focused on greater he focused on the Lord.  Saul, was only focused on the obstacle and the enormity of the opposition. However; David did not deny reality, he just selected on what he would give his attention to. David decided that focusing on the giant would not benefit him in anyway. So he shifted his focus, because he realized that no matter how big the giant is. God is BIGGER! (1 Samuel 17)

There’s a huge lesson from this story that I think often times we miss. When were faced with a battle of any kind we have a tendency to soul focus on the problem.  It doesn't matter how large the opposition is God is bigger. So instead of focusing on great, focus on greater, instead of focusing on big, focus on bigger, instead of focusing on the problem focus on the problem solver, because he will bring you victory. If you focus on the wrong thing you will be overwhelmed, you will be filled with anxiety, you will be overcome.  But if you select your attention and focus on God you will say what Abraham said when he was given a son at old age “is there anything too hard for God” (Genesis 18:14) And the answer to that is NO.  

When I was in my darkest hours of the depression I was only focused on the problem, I was only focused on how I was going to get through it. But when I read this story I realized that I was concentrating on the wrong thing. So I shifted my attention on the Lord and let me tell you every time he brought me through.  If we only center on our giants we will already be defeated and we can’t use someone else’s armor and tactics to fight our battles.  However; we have to use God tactics. He saved Daniel from the lion’s den and he certainly can guide us in battling our Giants.  Focus on the Great I am. Not on the great obstacle. 

The Gap

Have you ever felt in life that you are capable of so much more than what you are currently doing?  I know I have felt this way before and sometimes still do.  To be honest, when I first started staying at home with my kids about 4 years ago I felt as though I wasn't really doing much with my life.  At that time I had two kids I was at home with, a 2 year old and a 4 year old with one on the way.  I felt as though my life was sort of mundane, and that I should be doing so much more.  However; with now three kids in the mix and many life lessons behind me  I now understand why I am experiencing this gap.  I believe we all have these gaps in life. Actually, sometimes we may just feel that we are existing, maybe not doing a whole lot, maybe doing less than what we feel are capable of.  Here's the secret....this is preparation for what lies ahead of each and everyone us.  We are being prepared and groomed for the extraordinary for something phenomenal! we may not see or know exactly what is..... but God knows.

As I was working out today I thought about the story of David.  The story of David reminds me of the gaps that we have in life.  David was one of eight siblings and he was a shepherd for his father Jessie. I'll give you brief history on how he became King. David had to replace a king named Saul.  God gave a judge named Samuel a word and told him to go to a man named Jessie's house for the next king.  Samuel arrived and asked Jessie to bring all of his sons to him because, one of them is king.  Jessie did so, he brought out seven of his sons and Samuel said to God "surely one of them is king?"  God replied "not so, for man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart" 1 Samuel 16:7.  Samuel asked Jessie if he had any more sons?  Jessie replied yes, but he's a shepherd Samuel  told him to go and get the boy.  Jessie brought David in to meet Samuel and God said to Samuel "this is my next King"!  Historians actually believe that the way Samuel knew who was and was not king was because, in that day they anointed each King with a rams head full of oil.  In this story the oil did not pour onto the seven other brothers, however; when David walked in the oil flowed all over him.  (You can read the entire story of how David becomes ruler over Israel by reading 1 Samuel 16- 2 Samuel 10)

You see, we all have a particular anointing that God has in store for us. Even if seven people are ahead of us. if God prepared that anointing for you it will be there when he has it ready for you. The gap is actually a time or period in our lives where God uses it to build character within us.  He uses these gaps to prepare us for what's ahead.  I believe that God never gives us more than we can handle (although it may feel like he does) He is preparing us for greater things! however; with greater things always comes greater responsibility. Therefore; we must have greater character and competence to withstand this responsibility of where he is taking us. God has to prepare us with a gap before he takes us to our next destination. WHY? you ask?  because once we get to the destination he has prepared for us, it is then to late to get ready.

At the end of this story David has to fight a giant, he picked up five stones and was prepared for battle.  He threw the first stone and the giant was laid to rest.  You see, David was able to handle this because while out tending to his fathers sheep he took down a lion with his bare hands to protect the flock.  In other words while tending to his herd he was being conditioned for defeating a giant. Like us, the obstacles that we may have faced were not meant for our agitation they were meant for our education.  The  hurdles that we have encountered in the past have prepared us on how to handle the larger ones in the future.1 Samuel 17 (the story of David and Goliath)

Sometimes we may feel lost and down right hopeless in our life but just remember this.  The difficulty that we are facing now, or the gaps that we may be in are only preparation for greater things to come.  Keep your eyes on the prize, keep your eyes on God.  Don't focus on the stumbling block and give adversaries your soul attention.  However;  focus on how God is preparing you for your destiny and how is he conditioning you for a future that is better than you could even imagine. Trust in him.

The Challenge

Earlier last  year I did a 5k mud run.  A mud run is exactly what it sounds like.  You run in the mud and in the process of this you have to complete obstacle courses.  Well, it was quite the experience when I had the opportunity to participate in this.  We did a number of things, such as swimming for a mile in a lake, crawling through a dark ditch which contained barb wire, and hopping a wall.  But, the most challenging part of the course was the gauntlet.  In this gauntlet we had to climb 11 feet using a rope and then in order to get to the other side of the gauntlet, you had to hop down about 4 feet onto a log.  Now here’s where it gets good. I decided to slide onto the log backwards (bad move by the way) and in this process I fell 11 feet onto the floor and on the way down I hit my shins on platform and I was badly injured.  However; I brought myself back up and finished the race.  If you don’t believe me I have the scar to prove it!

  

                                                            Let the race begin!

As I was thinking about this mud run today, I began to remember how hard it was for me to get back up on my feet. I was in so much pain. But, as I look back I was so happy to get that medal at the end of the race.   Every so often our lives become similar to a mud run.  We have to get down and dirty. Sometimes, we even have to fall 11 feet from the top.  But, the most rewarding part is when you can reflect back to that one moment in time and say “I survived!”  You may have come out with some scars, but it’s a scar that you brag about, because you turned that struggle into a triumph. Adversity is often times a test that turns into a lesson.  Meaning that you have overcome the obstacle, and now it’s your job to reflect and learn what you can improve on. A mistake should be used as a building block for the future, not as a weight to carry upon your shoulders for the rest of your life. Proverbs 24:10 says “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.”

 

Crawling through barbed wire

Waiting to do the final challenge "The Gauntlet" this is where I fell from, but on the other side. 

                                                   

God loves us in spite of all our flaws.  God doesn't look at us and say “look at that sinner, he’s a thief, he’s a liar” no, he looks at us and says “this is my son, this is my daughter and I love them” Friends we first have to forgive ourselves for the error of our ways and turn from them for good.  By doing this we open the door for God to bless us. We have to make sound decisions, and use our aberrations and turn them into something that can be used to glorify the Lord. Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" 

                                    This was me 59lbs heavier last year. but we made it to the finish line!  

Just like a mud run; life will get dirty, you will get hurt, and you will even have scars.  But don’t let your scars be a sign of defeat, let your scars be a symbol of courage and hope to those who are in the gauntlet of life. 1 John 5:4 “For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world and this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.”

Have a blessed day friends. 

Chicken Sausage and Rice Stuffed Portabella Mushrooms

This past week we went to our church groups weekly meeting.  Being that's it's summer we don't meet up at the church anymore for Bible study. We meet at each others house or a selected location.  Anyhow this week we did a potluck at Felicias house, we all had such a wonderful time fellow shipping with one another, even the kids had a blast too!  

For this potluck I decided to make these stuffed portabella mushroom caps.  They were delicious! I made a huge batch and the tray was gone by the end of the night.  That's always my indicator that the food was good is when there is none left.

I hope you enjoy making these as much we did, it really was super simple and easy to make.  

Happy eating from my kitchen to yours!

What you need:

4 whole portabella mushrooms

2 tablespoons fresh Italian parsley, coarsely chopped

2 links mild Italian chicken (or pork) sausage, 8 oz

1 (8.8-oz) pouch pre-cooked brown rice

1 cup shredded part skim mozzarella cheese

1/2 cup crumbled Gorgonzola cheese

1/4 cup whipped cream cheese

1 1/2 cups tomato basil pasta sauce

How to:

Preheat oven to 400°F.

1. Preheat large sauté pan on medium 2–3 minutes. Place sausage in pan; cook 3–4 minutes, stirring to crumble sausage, or until no pink remains. Remove pan from heat.
2. Stir in rice, parsley, both cheeses and cream cheese. Fill mushrooms with sausage mixture; place on baking sheet, stuffing side up. Bake 10–12 minutes or until mushrooms are tender.
3. Place pasta sauce in small saucepan on medium-high; bring to a simmer. Serve sauce with mushrooms.

Note: To make vegetarian ommit the meat.  To make vegan use almond cheese and ommit meat. 

For the Love of Discipline.

May 2013, I went to my primary care doctor for a well check up.  I had just given birth 9 months prior to this and I will tell you I was not happy about this visit, but it was necessary.  I placed my feet upon the scale (which I never did at home) and the digital numbers went from 150-175-195-200..and stopped at 250 pounds. I cried when I saw that number. I looked at the nurse with tears in my eyes and she said  "come with me!".  I walked down that long hall to wait in another room to see the doctor. The doctor came in and did the usual small talk with me you know the "hi' "How are you?" and then she looked at my weight and she said to me "Niccole, you have got to lose some weight otherwise you will not be here for very long to see your kids grow up." and at that moment I was scared. I was scared for my life.

 I went home that day and I was looking for any quick fix that I could find. Diet pills, drinks, special foods. You name it if it said "quick" I was reading about it.    But, as I was looking for a "quick fix" I was thinking about how I really felt.  I said to myself "how could I do this to my body?"  "How could I be so negligent?"  and then it hit me.  I really didn't like who I was. I didn't like anything about me for that matter.  I was punishing myself for being me. I didn't want to accept who I was.  I couldn't' accept who God created me to be. I felt out of my element. I felt out of control of my life. But then it hit me, it wasn't my life, it was the life that I was given, because my life it is not my own, it is the Lords.

Later on that week as I was praying and seeking God for answers I read this scripture that helped me "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" Ephasians 2:10.  This verse really gave me the hope that I needed.  That very instance I made a choice. I chose to love the person that God has made.  I may have veered off his path and went my own way for a while, but the wonderful thing about God is that he is merciful. “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy" Matthew 5:7.  

The following week I asked God"how I should go about this weight loss journey?"  he said to me "with endurance, self- discipline and perseverance"  and that was the day that I joined the gym. I walked in that gym and I was lucky that could walk 1/2 mile going at a snails pace but I did it...and those weeks I proved myself wrong everyday of what I was capable of doing. Those weeks  to follow my body ached in places I didn't even know could ache! But to my surprise I began to love exercising, this is where I found peace with myself, it helped me feel less stressed too!  The months to follow I proceeded to discipline myself in the hardest area and that was my eating.  "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it"  Matthew 12:11.  

But, the most amazing thing about God is that he will use something that we think is irrelevant to him to be used for his glory.  Because of this weight loss journey I have learned so many things about myself.  I learned that God wanted to teach me discipline, not only in losing weight but in all aspects of life.  I was really undisciplined in all areas of my life and for this reason I felt that my life was spinning out of control. Most importantly; my spiritual life was out of control.  I was very up and down with my prayer life and reading the word.  The weight loss taught me the value of having discipline in all areas of my life. Spiritually, physically, emotionally and even in relationships and finances.  The key is to trust God! with all that he has given us. Furthermore, he wants us to take care of what he has bestowed upon us.  "But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 1 Corinthians 9:27

I am a firm believer that God will use any opportunity to teach us. God has taught me the value of discipline, patience, perseverance , self reflection and self improvement not because he didn't like who I was, but because he loves me and he knows what I am capable of.   It may sound unorthodox that a weight loss journey could be so profound in ones life, but God allowed it to transform me to become the person that he has called me to be.  Not the person that I wanted to be.  Also God gave me this opportunity to improve my physical body since I need it to serve him. With his help I was able to lose 59 pounds and counting.  The weight loss of course is a tremendous part of his success for me, but what can't be seen with the human eye is the real testimony.  I know that I will stumble upon another season of life where the Lord has to teach me a lesson because he's not done with me yet.  God has a work to do within each and everyone one of us, and let us surrender our lives to him so that we can be used for his glory. "For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" 1Cornithians 6:20

More than happy

In the dictionary happiness is defined as “feeling, or showing pleasure.”   I find this extremely interesting, because I remember there was a point in my life where I didn't have that feeling.  It was about two years ago, after I had my daughter and I was battling postpartum depression.  I had this with my first two children but never this bad…and it was the worst time in my life. I felt sad all the time, I was crying uncontrollably I was even having terrible panic attacks, and I felt alone and I was afraid. I was even unsure If I could take care of 3 kids at one point.  People were telling me that I could control my feelings and at the time I genuinely could not. This was not a luxury to have; it actually felt like a punishment after having such a traumatic pregnancy that nearly cost my baby and I our lives.

But then one day something happened to me… I went to the hospital.  My doctor had given me some medicine that was supposed to help me and it only made me worse. I was having a horrible reaction.  I felt as though I was going crazy! Until something amazing happened to me.  I prayed.  For the first time, in a long time on that hospital bed. The doctor was coming in and was about to give me some sort of sedative to help calm me down. I looked at that doctor square in the eye and said “I’m not taking that” I looked at my husband and said “let’s go”.  I was petrified when I went home.  But I prayed all day, and all night. and I had so much faith that the Lord was going to see me though this.  I mean he saved my babies life and my life during my pregnancy.  I was certain he could help me through this.  I spent many nights crying alone on my bathroom floor because the road felt so long.  But,While praying I asked God for something that I have never asked him for before and that was his Joy. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

I felt like at that point in time I was trying to find happiness, but I was looking for it in all the wrong places.  I began read my Bible so much; that I even tore out some of the pages and I carried them in my pockets to help lift me up.  I opened my Bible daily to Galatians 5:22-23 and it says ”22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” I prayed day and night for peace and for joy. God was so merciful and faithful that he granted me his joy.  This part of my life taught me that the enemy can try to take our joy away, even at the happiest times in our lives. In this part of my journey I developed my perseverance in the Lord.  I even more so, developed an unshakable faith in God.

Friends I am telling you this because I want you to know that sometimes we search for happiness in the wrong places. Material things will get us nowhere; these are only a temporary fix. Hobbies will only get us so far, and you certainly cannot place happiness on people, because a person will always let you down.  Put your faith in God and ask him today and every day for his joy, because he is the only one who can satisfy what our souls require.  Nehemiah 8:10 “Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”