Focus

After I had my first baby I had severe postpartum depression. It was probably one of the darkest years in my life.  I remember looking around at everyone else who just had babies and they were so happy! They had this glow and radiance about them. However I did not, I had dark bags under my eyes, I was crying all the time and I really don’t remember being happy.  It had nothing to do with my son, I loved my son dearly, it was me.  I had some people give me advice on “what was wrong with me” some said I was just “stressed,” “just tired,” others even called it a “luxury” to have this.  A luxury it was not. It almost felt like a punishment that’s the only way to describe it. 

I remember sitting in the house and watching The Rachel Ray show and they were talking about postpartum depression. The girl who was being interviewed was describing her symptoms and a light bulb went off to me. I said “oh no! I think I have that.”  I remember I tried to seek some counsel from friends and family.  But if you have never battled that giant you really don’t know how to handle it.  However at that time I was too ashamed to go to the doctor and I took the advice I was given from family and friends.  I had people give me advice that should not have been advising me, to tell you the truth.  I tried to implement some of the suggestions that I was given and it just didn't seem to help.  I had individuals giving me there armor to wear to fight my battles and it didn't fit me. I looked around and all I had was a couple stones to fight my battle against what felt like a giant. I felt helpless. I felt alone. I felt afraid. I felt defeated. 

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is David and Goliath. This story is actually what helped me though the battle of postpartum depression (with all three kids).  When David was about to fight the Giant king Saul came to him and told him to use his armor because he had the best. But, David did something that was so amazing.  He put it on and he tried to walk around in it and he realized that he couldn't wear it because it didn't fit.  It worked well for Saul because it was customized to fit him.  David then said to Saul that fighting with a sword may have worked for you but let me fight the giant my way.  Saul agreed and David fought the giant with the sling shot and took him down with one stone to the forehead. You see, what I find so amazing, is not that David took down a giant with a sling shot. But, he didn't focus on the great problem that he was facing.  He focused on greater he focused on the Lord.  Saul, was only focused on the obstacle and the enormity of the opposition. However; David did not deny reality, he just selected on what he would give his attention to. David decided that focusing on the giant would not benefit him in anyway. So he shifted his focus, because he realized that no matter how big the giant is. God is BIGGER! (1 Samuel 17)

There’s a huge lesson from this story that I think often times we miss. When were faced with a battle of any kind we have a tendency to soul focus on the problem.  It doesn't matter how large the opposition is God is bigger. So instead of focusing on great, focus on greater, instead of focusing on big, focus on bigger, instead of focusing on the problem focus on the problem solver, because he will bring you victory. If you focus on the wrong thing you will be overwhelmed, you will be filled with anxiety, you will be overcome.  But if you select your attention and focus on God you will say what Abraham said when he was given a son at old age “is there anything too hard for God” (Genesis 18:14) And the answer to that is NO.  

When I was in my darkest hours of the depression I was only focused on the problem, I was only focused on how I was going to get through it. But when I read this story I realized that I was concentrating on the wrong thing. So I shifted my attention on the Lord and let me tell you every time he brought me through.  If we only center on our giants we will already be defeated and we can’t use someone else’s armor and tactics to fight our battles.  However; we have to use God tactics. He saved Daniel from the lion’s den and he certainly can guide us in battling our Giants.  Focus on the Great I am. Not on the great obstacle. 

The Gap

Have you ever felt in life that you are capable of so much more than what you are currently doing?  I know I have felt this way before and sometimes still do.  To be honest, when I first started staying at home with my kids about 4 years ago I felt as though I wasn't really doing much with my life.  At that time I had two kids I was at home with, a 2 year old and a 4 year old with one on the way.  I felt as though my life was sort of mundane, and that I should be doing so much more.  However; with now three kids in the mix and many life lessons behind me  I now understand why I am experiencing this gap.  I believe we all have these gaps in life. Actually, sometimes we may just feel that we are existing, maybe not doing a whole lot, maybe doing less than what we feel are capable of.  Here's the secret....this is preparation for what lies ahead of each and everyone us.  We are being prepared and groomed for the extraordinary for something phenomenal! we may not see or know exactly what is..... but God knows.

As I was working out today I thought about the story of David.  The story of David reminds me of the gaps that we have in life.  David was one of eight siblings and he was a shepherd for his father Jessie. I'll give you brief history on how he became King. David had to replace a king named Saul.  God gave a judge named Samuel a word and told him to go to a man named Jessie's house for the next king.  Samuel arrived and asked Jessie to bring all of his sons to him because, one of them is king.  Jessie did so, he brought out seven of his sons and Samuel said to God "surely one of them is king?"  God replied "not so, for man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart" 1 Samuel 16:7.  Samuel asked Jessie if he had any more sons?  Jessie replied yes, but he's a shepherd Samuel  told him to go and get the boy.  Jessie brought David in to meet Samuel and God said to Samuel "this is my next King"!  Historians actually believe that the way Samuel knew who was and was not king was because, in that day they anointed each King with a rams head full of oil.  In this story the oil did not pour onto the seven other brothers, however; when David walked in the oil flowed all over him.  (You can read the entire story of how David becomes ruler over Israel by reading 1 Samuel 16- 2 Samuel 10)

You see, we all have a particular anointing that God has in store for us. Even if seven people are ahead of us. if God prepared that anointing for you it will be there when he has it ready for you. The gap is actually a time or period in our lives where God uses it to build character within us.  He uses these gaps to prepare us for what's ahead.  I believe that God never gives us more than we can handle (although it may feel like he does) He is preparing us for greater things! however; with greater things always comes greater responsibility. Therefore; we must have greater character and competence to withstand this responsibility of where he is taking us. God has to prepare us with a gap before he takes us to our next destination. WHY? you ask?  because once we get to the destination he has prepared for us, it is then to late to get ready.

At the end of this story David has to fight a giant, he picked up five stones and was prepared for battle.  He threw the first stone and the giant was laid to rest.  You see, David was able to handle this because while out tending to his fathers sheep he took down a lion with his bare hands to protect the flock.  In other words while tending to his herd he was being conditioned for defeating a giant. Like us, the obstacles that we may have faced were not meant for our agitation they were meant for our education.  The  hurdles that we have encountered in the past have prepared us on how to handle the larger ones in the future.1 Samuel 17 (the story of David and Goliath)

Sometimes we may feel lost and down right hopeless in our life but just remember this.  The difficulty that we are facing now, or the gaps that we may be in are only preparation for greater things to come.  Keep your eyes on the prize, keep your eyes on God.  Don't focus on the stumbling block and give adversaries your soul attention.  However;  focus on how God is preparing you for your destiny and how is he conditioning you for a future that is better than you could even imagine. Trust in him.