I Need a Doctor

There’s an awesome story about Jesus.  It’s about when he went to Jerusalem for a festival and in this part of Jerusalem there was a pool called Bethesda.  In this part of town there were a large number of people whom were disabled.  But, there was this one particular man; he had been there for 38 years and Jesus noticed him.  When he saw him he asked him this question “do you want to get well?” The man replied “that he had no one to help into the pool when the water was stirred” and then Jesus said to the man “Get up pick up you mat and walk” and at once the man was cured. John 5: 1-19

  

This scripture goes into conjunction with our lives at certain points.  We want to get well of whatever we are suffering from (physical and emotional pain).  But, it seems like when we try to get up we are unable.  What I find interesting about this, is that Jesus asked the man if he wanted to get well?  Seems like a silly question right? But it’s the perfect question. Because in order to get well, it requires the full participation of the patient, the man in the scripture was ill for 38 years and in one split second he was healed.  How? Because he believed and because for the first time he really wanted it.  Mark 2:17  On Hearing this Jesus said to them. "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Friends it doesn't matter how long you have been suffering, in a split second the Lord can heal you.  But the real question is “are you ready?”  Like Jesus asked “do you want to get well?”  How do we get well? Take action!  Pray read the Bible and develop a personal relationship with our Lord, and tell him you are ready. Psalm 107:20 says “He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave”.

No Pain No Gain

For a while I was using my pain as AMO...I was using it to throw in the face of those who hurt me. I had it locked up inside of me and I held onto it and I used when need be..while really the only one I was hurting was myself...I was miserable. I decided one day to give it God.  Literally, I was in my closet getting dressed and I said "I don't want to feel like this any longer"  I asked God to take away my hurt and my anger at the person who hurt me. The Lord heard my prayers and he took that pain away. How did that pain go away? It wasn't easy..... But I chose to forgive. Why did I do this?  because I am forgiven.  Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins". 

 The worst pain I've experienced in my life has brought about the biggest change in me. Spiritually, mentally, and physically. Does it still hurt? Yes. But I don't live there anymore. I moved on. I am better than what my past did to me. I am strong and fierce. I can handle whatever comes my way. Not because of my own capabilities, but because of what God has equipped we with. I thank him daily for standing up for me when I couldn't stand. He is my rock and my fortress. There is light beyond your darkness...there is peace where you never knew. Our pain is not meant to debilitate us, were not meant to live in it, we are meant to move on from it and learn from it. 2 Samuel 22:3 "my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge."

Rest

As a family we take a Sabbath day it’s either Saturday or Sunday, but I've never really been one to rest. Honestly I find it quite difficult…I like to be moving and going and exploring.  With having three kids it’s really hard for me to find a little quiet time, it’s hard to find time to just rest.  But I've been learning that I must rest my body….also I have to teach the children that they must relax too.  You don’t really realize how important it is until you’re in a bad situation. Genesis 2:1-3 “So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.”

I got a cold last week Thursday and I never really took care of it. Sure, I did the usual vitamin C, chicken soup, took a little nap on Friday, but other than that life has been business as usual.  Well I went to the doctor yesterday after I left the gym, I was coughing up a storm during my workout and I felt a bit faint, which for me is not normal.  Anyhow, I ended up going to the urgent care clinic to get a checkup and turns out I have pneumonia. Pretty scary since I already have asthma; so I had to get an injection while I was there and was sent home with a variety of medicine and I was told to rest. I honestly was not prepared for that when I went to see the doctor I really thought I just had a cold. Matthew 11:28-30 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

But this taught me something; that even though I think I take pretty good care of myself with being mindful of my diet and exercise I also have to slooow down when my body tells me too. I think that it’s just as equally important as diet and exercise. With that being said I really do understand why we are told to keep the Sabbath day.  If God had to rest, well then we certainly have to as well. I know it’s super hard to turn down the birthday parties and say no to all the activities and such but it’s equally as important to keep up with your health and your sanity. Mark 6:31 “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.”

Last year I recently started to implement the Sabbath day into our weekly routine. The kids have activities about 4 days a week and of course when the school year is in session it’s much more demanding.  But I was noticing that they were getting wiped out, as was I by running them everywhere.  So I told them that on Sunday or Saturday is our rest day. We attend church on Wednesdays and Saturday evenings and we have home Bible study on Sundays…The kids like to watch Joel Osteen, so sometimes we just sit while having breakfast and watch him.  But I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to know that one day we don’t have to get out of  our jammies and we can just relax and enjoy one another’s company. Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Don’t forget our bodies and our minds are temples and it’s so refreshing to know that we are called to rest one day a week.  God knows what he’s talking about more than we can ever realize.  He knows that our bodies cannot go nonstop before illness takes over our bodies and even our minds (stress and depression) Resting your body does not make you lazy at all. It makes you rejuvenated and motivated for the week and it really gives you something to look forward to at the end of a long and busy week! Rest your body and Rest your mind and soul in Lord.  Exodus 20:8 "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.”

Transformation Tuesday

63 pounds down and counting! 

A Lot of you have asked me about when I really started my transformation for the Lord.  It started about last year and I weighed in at 250 pounds at my doctors office.  I joined a gym one week later..... I walked into that gym feeling like the biggest person in the room, and could barley walk 1 mile without being severely short of breath. After 2 months of faithfully going to the gym and eating well I began to see an improvement in my body.  I realized that I also needed to improve my spiritual health as well.  I began to read my Bible and pray daily and I put God first every morning.

My family and I always went to church but, we were off and on...But from that time until now we go weekly.  What I learned is that God used my physical stature to improve my spiritual well being.  God wants us whole. He wants us well to serve him.  When I was severely overweight I didn't want to serve him. I really did want to do anything more than I had to do really. But the transformation of my physical body made me look deep within my core and I examined many things that I didn't like about myself. I then decided that not only did my physical body need a change but so did my spiritual body.

I thank God everyday that I had to physically hit rock bottom, so that I could climb....I climbed the mountain of cant's, of impossibles, of laziness...I overcame them. By no means do I have a perfect body, however; I am a daily work in progress as we all are...physically, mentally and spiritually.  Do I fall off the bandwagon from time to time? YEP! but I think the most important part is to get back on and start again. Not only is it the most important part, but it's the hardest.  Believe in yourself, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are worth it! you are here for a purpose and you have a job to do! God wants you well and he wants you whole! Serve the Lord in all that you do and everything will fall into place.

On Purpose

I used to work with the deaf and hard of hearing before I began to stay home with my children. I loved it, I really loved it I felt as though it truly is my calling and I know it is. But, one day my daughter started calling our nanny mommy, and that just crushed me. So my husband and I decided that I should start staying at home. I put in my letter of resignation one week after I heard my daughter calling the sitter mommy. I began staying at home 2 weeks later.  I never envisioned myself being a stay at home mom to be perfectly honest with you.  I always had great dreams of working outside the home with the deaf and hard of hearing population.  But God had other plans for me. Plans that I wasn't certain about, I didn't understand how I could serve the Lord in the privacy of my home. It didn't make sense to me. I wasn't called to be a stay home mom (so I thought).   Proverbs 16:9 “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps”

Until last year, I really thought that being at home was only about cleaning, cooking, and running errands. But I was sadly mistaken. Being a homemaker means that I am to instill core values and life lessons into my children, most importantly teaching them about the Lord and making sure they are in a good Bible based church.  Yes of course cleaning the house and cooking is a part of my role, but it’s not the only reason why I am doing what I am doing. The reason is that I am able to impact the most important people in my life on a daily basis.  I wasn't living my life intentionally for the first 3 years that I was staying at home. I was just going about my day and feeling very un-fulfilled.  However; now I live my life with intention, with the intention to teach my kids about the love of father. Ezra 10:4 “Arise, for it is your task, and we are with you; be strong and do it.”

So, last year I decided to start waking up early in the morning with no questions asked to have my quiet time before my family woke up.  It’s hard waking up early…I know it is, truly I get it! But the hardest part is only getting out of the bed.  I wake up about 4.am daily and I intentionally do this. I do this because I want to make sure that I get my quiet time in alone with my father before I start my day.  I wanted to make sure that I put him first before I started my day.  I make sure that I set my alarm clock 6 days a week to ensure that I have my alone time with God. When I am alone with him, I am worshiping, journaling and studying his word which transforms my life daily. I learn something new every time I go to him. I learn a life lesson when I open up my Bible. It gives me time to reflect and I am able to live in an attitude of gratitude when I seek him first. Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.”

I am reminded daily from his word that we are not here on accident. We are here intentionally. We are here for a purpose. As I am reminded of this I wanted to make sure that I live my life with great intention. I wanted to make sure that I do what I am called to do on a daily basis to serve him.  By living my life on purpose because, we are all here for a purpose.  I am rewarded by peace, and joy of the Lord. I know sometimes we feel that what we do is mundane or God may not care about the little things. But, what I have realized is that we can serve God intentionally in any environment. Whether it’s at the office, or outside of the office, God puts us exactly where we need to be as the exact right time. Psalm 138:8 “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.” 

Locked Up

For 365 days I was locked in a prison cell. I was in that cell because I took something that wasn't mine. I was mad, lonely, I was angry; I thought by having something that wasn't mine it  was giving me some type of power, but instead of having power I had nothing. I had nothing in that prison cell. At times I blamed everyone else for locking me up; until I realized that I put myself in this prison.  

The prison cell was not an actual prison. Although it felt like it was. This was a prison that I had encapsulated myself in from holding grudges; from having un-forgiveness towards those that I felt that didn't deserve my forgiveness. I thought that by holding on to everything that anyone has ever done to me, was going to give me a leg up on them. But it was quite the contrary.  You see, I was really the one that was being held in a cell of misery, of pain, of anguish because I refused to let go. Luke 6:27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you”

As I was in meditation I was shown something in the Bible ““Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; Luke 6:37.  On that day I knew had to change.  I had to forgive those who had hurt me.  I had to forgive, not for them, but for me.  Once I forgave them and truly forgave them I was released from my prison.  I became more relived, I felt lighter, I felt happier, I wasn't carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore.  I was able to live a happier life. I also wanted to make sure that I had forgiveness reciprocated to me. Colossians 3:13 Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive”

Sometimes we feel that forgiveness is doing a favor to those who have harmed us.  When in reality we are releasing ourselves from the burden of holding on to such pain, stress, and heartache.  I never knew what real happiness was until I truly forgave the ones that hurt me.  I realized that you can’t go back and change the past. You can’t change a mistake. Most importantly what I have learned is that if we want to be forgiven we must give it and sometimes we have to do it daily.  Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”

Living in anger and in un-forgiveness is just as bad as being in prison cell. Let go of the anger, the pain, the hurt, the grudges that you are holding onto. Because, we never know when we might need the same forgiveness shown unto us.  Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

A Moment with Faith

Two years ago my husband and I found out that we were expecting! It was a really exciting time for us.  We were about to embark on bringing another life into this world and we couldn't of been more thrilled.  This was our third baby that we were expecting and we didn't really have a preference of what we wanted boy/ girl, it didn't matter as long as we had a healthy baby that’s all that we really cared about.

About 8 weeks into my pregnancy I began to feel like I was getting a little cold coming on….quite similar to flu like symptoms, but I ignored it took some extra vitamin C and went about taking my other two children to the play date.  We were at the park and I felt unusually tired (but this is par for the course of being pregnant, your always tired) anyhow, we got home and I laid down on the couch before we headed out again for another play date.  What was really odd is that when I laid down I went into an unusually deep sleep.  I was awakened by my daughter who was two at the time asking me for something to eat.  I sat up and felt a gush….I thought I had gone to the bathroom to be honest….I went into the bathroom and I saw what no women ever wants to see while pregnant. Blood. The blood was gushing everywhere; I couldn't get it to stop. I screamed it horror “NO!!!!!!” I was so terrified…what was happening to me? and most importantly my baby? I cried on that toilet seat asking God “WHY? “WHY? WHY ME?? DON”T LET THIS HAPPEN PLEASE!!!!…” and I called the doctor in a panic and told me to come in immediately.  My husband rushed home after he was told the news and we both rushed to the doctor.  Matthew 14:13 "Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?

 I sat on that bed…still feeling blood gushing out and the doctor asked me what’s going on.  I was trying to get the words out while I was crying.  “The doctor said it’s going to be OK, it’s probably all over now” I looked at him and said “what do you mean?”  He replied “you probably had a miscarriage, and it’s over now will check you out to see if we have to remove any extra tissue left behind” I began to sob…I couldn't catch my breath. I prayed in my head and asked God to help because at that point he was the only one who could help.  The ultra sound tech came in and they began to search for any remaining tissue….I turned my head away from screen because I didn't want to look.  I didn't want to face that harsh reality I was about to embark on.  The doctor said to me “I don’t know how to tell you this, but I see the baby, I see the heartbeat, the baby has been unharmed” I broke down even more. But this time it was a cry of relief…I was so happy that my baby was ok. I was then told that I had to be on bed rest until further notice. 1 Corinthians 2:5 "so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

We arrived home and my grandmother was there and she and my husband were the ones who helped take care of the house and children while I couldn't.  God provided in the circumstance.  He had the right people step in at a time where I could not. My parents, my aunt and my best friends also helped in the process by cooking meals and watching my other children and cleaning the house.  God knew what was going to happen before it was even going happen.  He had the lineup prepared in my uncertain journey of a shaky pregnancy. 1 Corinthians 16:13 "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong" 

The bleeding was just scratching the surface of what was happening to me though.  I was diagnosed with a severe case of Placenta Previa. Some women have it and never even know, but I had a very bad case.  I had seizures to accompany the bleeding; I had to take hormonal pills to make sure I kept the baby which then made me vomit daily. It was a roller coaster. But I was willing to take that pain for 9 months if need be to make sure I had my baby at the end of this journey. I was on bed rest for 5 months of my pregnancy with weekly doctor’s visits to make sure I hadn't lost the baby at any point in time. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"

 Many people who know what happened to me ask me, "how I managed to get through it with a good attitude?"  My answer is this. “I walked by faith not by sight” even though everything was looking like it was going to turn out for the worse I had faith in God.  I had faith that he would use this circumstance for the greater good. For his glory.  I knew that no matter what happened he had a greater plan and I trusted him.  My walk with him may not have been where it is now, but I always had faith in him. At that point in time I had no other choice but to trust in him.2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we live by faith not by sight"

I believe God uses circumstances like that for us to reflect on.  Even though I wasn't in the best of places with him at that time…he knew I would be where I am today.  With that said he allowed me to go through a hard situation to give him the glory today. At that time my best friend was my faith and I had many moments where all that I had was my faith. Isiah 43:7 "Everyone who is called by name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made" 

But here we are today, both happy and healthy and enjoying life.  Just remember God has a plan for you. Even though life becomes shaky and out of our control.  Just remember that as long as you keep your faith, and know that God has a bigger and better plan for you, you will never be shaken. Psalms 62:6 " Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress I will not be shaken" 

Life In the Fast Lane

About three years ago I was what some would call a pretty heavy drinker.  I would easily polish off a large bottle of wine every night by myself.  At that point our marriage was going through some pretty heavy struggles, I was a new bee to staying home with the kids and everything was so hectic all the time.  I remember I just kept going, going, and going.  I literally never stopped.  I remember that I had really bad anxiety at this point too.  If I remember correctly I slept probably about a good hour a night.  Which is why I began to drink very heavy, I would drink that bottle of wine every night no questions asked….because this was the way I would knock myself out to go sleep. I remember I would wake up every day with a terrible hang over….I was so groggy; I really wasn't ready to face any part of my day. I was unmotivated to do anything at all.  The most I would do was take care of the kids clean, the house and cook a meal……and I would hide…..I would hide behind those perfectly cooked meals and a perfectly cleaned home. I didn't want the outside world to see who I really was. I was a mess, physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally.

 At this point I wasn't happy at all. I wasn't happy with myself, I wasn't happy with my marriage, in general I just wasn't a happy person.  I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend one night, she and I had gone out to the cheese cake factory and we were chatting.  I asked her “do you ever feel like you just need something more?”  “Do you ever feel like that your just missing a huge part and you can’t figure it out?”  She replied “yes” so she and I kept hashing over what we thought we could do more of to become more fulfilled.  We talked about very shallow things to tell you the truth. We needed a new bag, a great pair of shoes, a new home.  You name it! If we didn't have it we were trying to figure out a way to get it to become fulfilled.

Fast forward about a year or two I had battled with almost losing our third child during pregnancy and almost losing my life as well. Battled severe postpartum depression, and heavy blow to our marriage I was becoming an even heavier drinker.  I was up two bottles a night and a couple “swigs’ during the day.  I added some hard liquor in the mix and a sleeping pill, to ensure I didn't wake up from panic attacks at night. I was so lost, and I was still looking for that missing facet in my life.  So at this point I started to do some serious soul searching. I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life in this pattern.  It wasn't making me any better.  It was making me worse. “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise’ Proverbs 20:1

So I decided to begin to see what a relationship with God would be like.  A real relationship, not only going to church on Sundays.  I mean everyday sitting down with him daily, reading the Bible and talking to him.  So I began to do this for about a month and I literally saw my life transform before my eyes.  That emptiness I felt was beginning to go away.  At that point I knew I found what I had been searching for, I found that “something more”.  At this point I was still drinking.  I read this verse in the Bible one morning and it said. “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8.  I took a good hard look at myself and I said “wow that’s me. I am not sober minded at all” At that point I decided it was time to put my new found faith into action and I began to fast.  I gave up my crutch and trusted God to allow me to walk without my crutch of alcohol.  It wasn’t easy by any means. “That your fasting may not be seen by others but 
by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in 
secret will reward you” Matthew 6:18

 I craved wine; I craved it at every meal. We went out to eat and I saw people drinking it and I wanted it.  But I didn’t get it.  Why didn’t I get it? Because I made a promise to God, I told him to better my life I would fast alcohol from here on out. I guess you can say that I put myself in my own recovery, but with the best doctor in the world. I have had alcohol since then, but I prayed about it before I had it.  I recently celebrated my 30^th birthday in March and we had a pretty big bash.  I asked God if it would be ok if I only had 2 cocktails and I believe he told me yes and so I did.  I asked permission to break my fast for only that one evening and I believe God allowed me to do so and I have not had alcohol since then. “On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Mark 2:17

Because I chose to fast I feel that God has rewarded me greatly. He has rewarded me with a better marriage; he has rewarded me with being a better mom.  He has released any anxiety that I was feeling. I have a better physical well-being. I am able to sleep at night without having to have 2 bottles of wine to knock me out. I am able to wake early and not feel like I just got hit by a Mack truck and force myself out of bed. I am able to think clearly and not make rash decisions.  I don’t stew about problems over a bottle of wine anymore.  I take it God and I get the best advice in the world. ““Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning” Joel 2:12

Sometimes we have to give a little to receive.  But let me tell you, giving up any crutch is well worth having a full relationship with God.  He allows you to have a life that has quality that has meaning that is really, worthwhile to live.  Because now you’re living it for him, not for you; when you live it for him you will have a life that is transformed more than you could’ve ever dream of.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” 2 Corinthians 5:17. 

Caution

Hi, we haven’t met yet.  But…I’m just a bit older, a bit more mature, with more life ahead of me….I want to tell you some things that will help you along the way…….

Laugh….Laugh hard…Laugh until your stomach aches, laughs until you can’t smile anymore.  Proverbs 17:22  A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Finish….Finish what you start…don’t get discouraged, you can do it, I believe in you.  Ecclesiastes 7:8 Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.

Accomplish…You made an accomplishment! I’m proud of you…and even though no one will ever tell you. I’m telling you. I’m proud of you.  Philippians 3:14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Love…..Don’t abuse yourself, and misuse yourself, value yourself, take pride in you. Even though you were never told you were loved.  I love you….The Lord loves you. Proverbs 19:8 whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.

Pray…. I know that you don’t have anyone to talk to…but pray…The Lord is with you and he hears your cries. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing,

Read your Bible….You can’t go at this life alone….You need guidance…Read the word, your soul needs it. Matthew 4:4 But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Cry….Don’t hold it in, don’t bottle it up. Let it out. Because that anger will harm you in the future.  Psalm 30:5 Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Forgive….Forgive those who have done wrong to you, don’t let those feeling linger. Give it to God.  Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Be confident….You are perfect just the way you are….You are beautiful…..Although no one will ever tell you. You are. Psalm 139:14 I praise you, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works! My very self you know.

You don’t have to be the best….Don’t sweat trying to be the best at everything. Do the best you are capable of and know it and own it. 1 Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth

Be courageous….Be bold, be fearless… Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Be YOU….Because there’s only one you and that’s good enough. 1 Samuel 16:7 For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

I am YOU and that was me….

I am no longer fearful of what lies ahead of me. Because I walk by faith not by sight. I put my life in the hands of the mighty one, my savior Christ Jesus.  I used to feel alone, but my God never left me.  1 john 4:4 "Greater is he that is in me, than he who is in this world."

I was being taught valuable lessons at a young age.....although they didn't feel valuable at that present time. I am stronger, I am loved, and I know he is proud of me and I have his happiness in me. Galatians 2:19:20 "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me"

Turn your trials in triumphs.

Wait!!!

“Patience is how you act while you are waiting” an old saying that my grandfather used to say me every day when I was a little girl and it has stuck with me till this very hour. I looked up the word origin of patience and it is Latin and it’s derived from the word suffering. When I read this it clicked with me that being patient is not supposed to be easy, nor is it supposed to be fun or quick for that matter. I think that there is a huge lesson from patience really….it teaches you to trust in God, it strengthens your faith and your character

.

I get a lot of questions on what my biggest struggle is.  Well it’s really simple; I have a hard time waiting I am impatient. However; I am working on it daily to strive to become better. When I talk about my struggle I always get asked the following question. “How do you work on it?”  My answer is this “I pray daily for the Lord to help me I pray that he gives me the mindfulness to be more Christ like in my day to day life.” I also have reminders; I set an alarm on my phone a few times and I add a Bible verse to it to help me become more mindful of patience. My favorite verse is “Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”  When we are struggling with something we often times need a constant reminder to improve.  The Lord has helped me greatly with my struggle and I know he will see me through it.  I can only rely upon him and of course I must do my part also.

How can waiting strengthen faith and trust in God?  I find that it teaches you to trust him while waiting on your blessings. That you know that even in the midst of your turmoil God will provide! When I read the origin of the word it made total sense to me.  Being patient is not supposed to be fun, nor is it supposed to be easy.  However; God will see to it that we are rewarded in due time. I have found that sometimes I am not ready for what I ask him for, or it may not be for me. I trust in the Lord to make the decisions for me because he ultimately knows what is best for me. He knows what’s best for all us!  We may not understand how God works all the time, but know that he’s working all the time in us.  He loves you he cares you and he wants the best for you. Trust in him and know him. “for he will never leave you nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6

The Gap

Have you ever felt in life that you are capable of so much more than what you are currently doing?  I know I have felt this way before and sometimes still do.  To be honest, when I first started staying at home with my kids about 4 years ago I felt as though I wasn't really doing much with my life.  At that time I had two kids I was at home with, a 2 year old and a 4 year old with one on the way.  I felt as though my life was sort of mundane, and that I should be doing so much more.  However; with now three kids in the mix and many life lessons behind me  I now understand why I am experiencing this gap.  I believe we all have these gaps in life. Actually, sometimes we may just feel that we are existing, maybe not doing a whole lot, maybe doing less than what we feel are capable of.  Here's the secret....this is preparation for what lies ahead of each and everyone us.  We are being prepared and groomed for the extraordinary for something phenomenal! we may not see or know exactly what is..... but God knows.

As I was working out today I thought about the story of David.  The story of David reminds me of the gaps that we have in life.  David was one of eight siblings and he was a shepherd for his father Jessie. I'll give you brief history on how he became King. David had to replace a king named Saul.  God gave a judge named Samuel a word and told him to go to a man named Jessie's house for the next king.  Samuel arrived and asked Jessie to bring all of his sons to him because, one of them is king.  Jessie did so, he brought out seven of his sons and Samuel said to God "surely one of them is king?"  God replied "not so, for man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart" 1 Samuel 16:7.  Samuel asked Jessie if he had any more sons?  Jessie replied yes, but he's a shepherd Samuel  told him to go and get the boy.  Jessie brought David in to meet Samuel and God said to Samuel "this is my next King"!  Historians actually believe that the way Samuel knew who was and was not king was because, in that day they anointed each King with a rams head full of oil.  In this story the oil did not pour onto the seven other brothers, however; when David walked in the oil flowed all over him.  (You can read the entire story of how David becomes ruler over Israel by reading 1 Samuel 16- 2 Samuel 10)

You see, we all have a particular anointing that God has in store for us. Even if seven people are ahead of us. if God prepared that anointing for you it will be there when he has it ready for you. The gap is actually a time or period in our lives where God uses it to build character within us.  He uses these gaps to prepare us for what's ahead.  I believe that God never gives us more than we can handle (although it may feel like he does) He is preparing us for greater things! however; with greater things always comes greater responsibility. Therefore; we must have greater character and competence to withstand this responsibility of where he is taking us. God has to prepare us with a gap before he takes us to our next destination. WHY? you ask?  because once we get to the destination he has prepared for us, it is then to late to get ready.

At the end of this story David has to fight a giant, he picked up five stones and was prepared for battle.  He threw the first stone and the giant was laid to rest.  You see, David was able to handle this because while out tending to his fathers sheep he took down a lion with his bare hands to protect the flock.  In other words while tending to his herd he was being conditioned for defeating a giant. Like us, the obstacles that we may have faced were not meant for our agitation they were meant for our education.  The  hurdles that we have encountered in the past have prepared us on how to handle the larger ones in the future.1 Samuel 17 (the story of David and Goliath)

Sometimes we may feel lost and down right hopeless in our life but just remember this.  The difficulty that we are facing now, or the gaps that we may be in are only preparation for greater things to come.  Keep your eyes on the prize, keep your eyes on God.  Don't focus on the stumbling block and give adversaries your soul attention.  However;  focus on how God is preparing you for your destiny and how is he conditioning you for a future that is better than you could even imagine. Trust in him.

The Challenge

Earlier last  year I did a 5k mud run.  A mud run is exactly what it sounds like.  You run in the mud and in the process of this you have to complete obstacle courses.  Well, it was quite the experience when I had the opportunity to participate in this.  We did a number of things, such as swimming for a mile in a lake, crawling through a dark ditch which contained barb wire, and hopping a wall.  But, the most challenging part of the course was the gauntlet.  In this gauntlet we had to climb 11 feet using a rope and then in order to get to the other side of the gauntlet, you had to hop down about 4 feet onto a log.  Now here’s where it gets good. I decided to slide onto the log backwards (bad move by the way) and in this process I fell 11 feet onto the floor and on the way down I hit my shins on platform and I was badly injured.  However; I brought myself back up and finished the race.  If you don’t believe me I have the scar to prove it!

  

                                                            Let the race begin!

As I was thinking about this mud run today, I began to remember how hard it was for me to get back up on my feet. I was in so much pain. But, as I look back I was so happy to get that medal at the end of the race.   Every so often our lives become similar to a mud run.  We have to get down and dirty. Sometimes, we even have to fall 11 feet from the top.  But, the most rewarding part is when you can reflect back to that one moment in time and say “I survived!”  You may have come out with some scars, but it’s a scar that you brag about, because you turned that struggle into a triumph. Adversity is often times a test that turns into a lesson.  Meaning that you have overcome the obstacle, and now it’s your job to reflect and learn what you can improve on. A mistake should be used as a building block for the future, not as a weight to carry upon your shoulders for the rest of your life. Proverbs 24:10 says “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.”

 

Crawling through barbed wire

Waiting to do the final challenge "The Gauntlet" this is where I fell from, but on the other side. 

                                                   

God loves us in spite of all our flaws.  God doesn't look at us and say “look at that sinner, he’s a thief, he’s a liar” no, he looks at us and says “this is my son, this is my daughter and I love them” Friends we first have to forgive ourselves for the error of our ways and turn from them for good.  By doing this we open the door for God to bless us. We have to make sound decisions, and use our aberrations and turn them into something that can be used to glorify the Lord. Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" 

                                    This was me 59lbs heavier last year. but we made it to the finish line!  

Just like a mud run; life will get dirty, you will get hurt, and you will even have scars.  But don’t let your scars be a sign of defeat, let your scars be a symbol of courage and hope to those who are in the gauntlet of life. 1 John 5:4 “For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world and this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.”

Have a blessed day friends. 

For the Love of Discipline.

May 2013, I went to my primary care doctor for a well check up.  I had just given birth 9 months prior to this and I will tell you I was not happy about this visit, but it was necessary.  I placed my feet upon the scale (which I never did at home) and the digital numbers went from 150-175-195-200..and stopped at 250 pounds. I cried when I saw that number. I looked at the nurse with tears in my eyes and she said  "come with me!".  I walked down that long hall to wait in another room to see the doctor. The doctor came in and did the usual small talk with me you know the "hi' "How are you?" and then she looked at my weight and she said to me "Niccole, you have got to lose some weight otherwise you will not be here for very long to see your kids grow up." and at that moment I was scared. I was scared for my life.

 I went home that day and I was looking for any quick fix that I could find. Diet pills, drinks, special foods. You name it if it said "quick" I was reading about it.    But, as I was looking for a "quick fix" I was thinking about how I really felt.  I said to myself "how could I do this to my body?"  "How could I be so negligent?"  and then it hit me.  I really didn't like who I was. I didn't like anything about me for that matter.  I was punishing myself for being me. I didn't want to accept who I was.  I couldn't' accept who God created me to be. I felt out of my element. I felt out of control of my life. But then it hit me, it wasn't my life, it was the life that I was given, because my life it is not my own, it is the Lords.

Later on that week as I was praying and seeking God for answers I read this scripture that helped me "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" Ephasians 2:10.  This verse really gave me the hope that I needed.  That very instance I made a choice. I chose to love the person that God has made.  I may have veered off his path and went my own way for a while, but the wonderful thing about God is that he is merciful. “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy" Matthew 5:7.  

The following week I asked God"how I should go about this weight loss journey?"  he said to me "with endurance, self- discipline and perseverance"  and that was the day that I joined the gym. I walked in that gym and I was lucky that could walk 1/2 mile going at a snails pace but I did it...and those weeks I proved myself wrong everyday of what I was capable of doing. Those weeks  to follow my body ached in places I didn't even know could ache! But to my surprise I began to love exercising, this is where I found peace with myself, it helped me feel less stressed too!  The months to follow I proceeded to discipline myself in the hardest area and that was my eating.  "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it"  Matthew 12:11.  

But, the most amazing thing about God is that he will use something that we think is irrelevant to him to be used for his glory.  Because of this weight loss journey I have learned so many things about myself.  I learned that God wanted to teach me discipline, not only in losing weight but in all aspects of life.  I was really undisciplined in all areas of my life and for this reason I felt that my life was spinning out of control. Most importantly; my spiritual life was out of control.  I was very up and down with my prayer life and reading the word.  The weight loss taught me the value of having discipline in all areas of my life. Spiritually, physically, emotionally and even in relationships and finances.  The key is to trust God! with all that he has given us. Furthermore, he wants us to take care of what he has bestowed upon us.  "But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 1 Corinthians 9:27

I am a firm believer that God will use any opportunity to teach us. God has taught me the value of discipline, patience, perseverance , self reflection and self improvement not because he didn't like who I was, but because he loves me and he knows what I am capable of.   It may sound unorthodox that a weight loss journey could be so profound in ones life, but God allowed it to transform me to become the person that he has called me to be.  Not the person that I wanted to be.  Also God gave me this opportunity to improve my physical body since I need it to serve him. With his help I was able to lose 59 pounds and counting.  The weight loss of course is a tremendous part of his success for me, but what can't be seen with the human eye is the real testimony.  I know that I will stumble upon another season of life where the Lord has to teach me a lesson because he's not done with me yet.  God has a work to do within each and everyone one of us, and let us surrender our lives to him so that we can be used for his glory. "For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" 1Cornithians 6:20

More than happy

In the dictionary happiness is defined as “feeling, or showing pleasure.”   I find this extremely interesting, because I remember there was a point in my life where I didn't have that feeling.  It was about two years ago, after I had my daughter and I was battling postpartum depression.  I had this with my first two children but never this bad…and it was the worst time in my life. I felt sad all the time, I was crying uncontrollably I was even having terrible panic attacks, and I felt alone and I was afraid. I was even unsure If I could take care of 3 kids at one point.  People were telling me that I could control my feelings and at the time I genuinely could not. This was not a luxury to have; it actually felt like a punishment after having such a traumatic pregnancy that nearly cost my baby and I our lives.

But then one day something happened to me… I went to the hospital.  My doctor had given me some medicine that was supposed to help me and it only made me worse. I was having a horrible reaction.  I felt as though I was going crazy! Until something amazing happened to me.  I prayed.  For the first time, in a long time on that hospital bed. The doctor was coming in and was about to give me some sort of sedative to help calm me down. I looked at that doctor square in the eye and said “I’m not taking that” I looked at my husband and said “let’s go”.  I was petrified when I went home.  But I prayed all day, and all night. and I had so much faith that the Lord was going to see me though this.  I mean he saved my babies life and my life during my pregnancy.  I was certain he could help me through this.  I spent many nights crying alone on my bathroom floor because the road felt so long.  But,While praying I asked God for something that I have never asked him for before and that was his Joy. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

I felt like at that point in time I was trying to find happiness, but I was looking for it in all the wrong places.  I began read my Bible so much; that I even tore out some of the pages and I carried them in my pockets to help lift me up.  I opened my Bible daily to Galatians 5:22-23 and it says ”22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” I prayed day and night for peace and for joy. God was so merciful and faithful that he granted me his joy.  This part of my life taught me that the enemy can try to take our joy away, even at the happiest times in our lives. In this part of my journey I developed my perseverance in the Lord.  I even more so, developed an unshakable faith in God.

Friends I am telling you this because I want you to know that sometimes we search for happiness in the wrong places. Material things will get us nowhere; these are only a temporary fix. Hobbies will only get us so far, and you certainly cannot place happiness on people, because a person will always let you down.  Put your faith in God and ask him today and every day for his joy, because he is the only one who can satisfy what our souls require.  Nehemiah 8:10 “Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Broken

Here’s a fun fact! Did you know that there are over 100 uses for an egg? It’s one of the most widely used foods across the globe! I know our family easily goes through 5 dozen eggs in a week! And that’s on a slow week for us! But, did you ever stop to think, that if you never broke that egg it may not be used to its full potential?

To perfectly honest with you I was having a really hard day yesterday.  Life’s growing pains had gotten the best of me yet again and I was at odds with myself.  Meanwhile, I began to make some lunch in the midst of my despair and I was whipping up a hard-boiled egg; when I asked myself this question “what could I do with an egg if I never cracked it?”  And here’s my answer…. “NOTHING!” if the egg is not broken you cannot get the best use out of it….it would go to waste and eventually would spoil.  I then reflected on how I was feeling at the moment and I thought one word “BROKEN…..”

In 2 Corinthians 5:7 it says “For we walk by faith, not by sight”.  In really tough situations sometimes it feels like all we can see is the jagged edge path that we are walking on. But when walking by faith we trust that soon we will be on that beautiful sandy beach we are working towards.  We may lose our stepping and our direction and hit stumbling blocks.  But with faith in God, he will guide is to the proper path. 

In essence, we have to first be broken in order to become what God wants us to be. Our lives were not promised to be easy, but as long as we trust and put our faith in our Lord he will see us through.  We all have a finished product to become, and just like the egg we can only reach full potential unless we have been broken. Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”