Transformation Tuesday

I get asked a lot how did I lose so much weight?  The answer that I give is always the same.  Diet change and I added exercise.  Different types of exercise too.  I found that changing my body was much more monumental in my life that I could have ever imagined,  It took me not only on a new physical journey, but it took my on a journey to gaining confidence and a strong spiritual life as well.  Change is hard, with change your not comfortable, your always uncomfortable.  However; it's well worth it.  We only have one body, one mind one spirit, and we need to take care of all three equally.

 As a parent I want more than anything to teach my kids that they are worth taking care of.  That they shouldn't put themselves on the back burner. I want to teach them that in order to take care of others well they need to care for themselves first.  Physically, emotionally and spiritually .

You are worth it. Take care of you.  If your still here on this earth still breathing you are needed for something.


Happy Tuesday!

75 lbs down and counting! 

Never Give Up

You are capable of more than you know.  You can achieve what you have never thought you could accomplish.  You are important. Your life is significant, no matter how insignificant you think it may be. What you do matters. You are here for a purpose. You are not an accident. You may not have been planned by your parents, but you were planned by God.  Each and everyone of us hold something incredibly special that we have to offer this world. We have something even more special that we can offer ourselves. Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Hold yourself accountable. Put God first and all will fall into place.

I posted this video because every time I see it inspires me.  It inspires me to know that even when this cold dark world tells us that "you can't"...YOU CAN!  It may hurt, you may fall, but get back up because the end result you will be running.

Life In the Fast Lane

About three years ago I was what some would call a pretty heavy drinker.  I would easily polish off a large bottle of wine every night by myself.  At that point our marriage was going through some pretty heavy struggles, I was a new bee to staying home with the kids and everything was so hectic all the time.  I remember I just kept going, going, and going.  I literally never stopped.  I remember that I had really bad anxiety at this point too.  If I remember correctly I slept probably about a good hour a night.  Which is why I began to drink very heavy, I would drink that bottle of wine every night no questions asked….because this was the way I would knock myself out to go sleep. I remember I would wake up every day with a terrible hang over….I was so groggy; I really wasn't ready to face any part of my day. I was unmotivated to do anything at all.  The most I would do was take care of the kids clean, the house and cook a meal……and I would hide…..I would hide behind those perfectly cooked meals and a perfectly cleaned home. I didn't want the outside world to see who I really was. I was a mess, physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally.

 At this point I wasn't happy at all. I wasn't happy with myself, I wasn't happy with my marriage, in general I just wasn't a happy person.  I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend one night, she and I had gone out to the cheese cake factory and we were chatting.  I asked her “do you ever feel like you just need something more?”  “Do you ever feel like that your just missing a huge part and you can’t figure it out?”  She replied “yes” so she and I kept hashing over what we thought we could do more of to become more fulfilled.  We talked about very shallow things to tell you the truth. We needed a new bag, a great pair of shoes, a new home.  You name it! If we didn't have it we were trying to figure out a way to get it to become fulfilled.

Fast forward about a year or two I had battled with almost losing our third child during pregnancy and almost losing my life as well. Battled severe postpartum depression, and heavy blow to our marriage I was becoming an even heavier drinker.  I was up two bottles a night and a couple “swigs’ during the day.  I added some hard liquor in the mix and a sleeping pill, to ensure I didn't wake up from panic attacks at night. I was so lost, and I was still looking for that missing facet in my life.  So at this point I started to do some serious soul searching. I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life in this pattern.  It wasn't making me any better.  It was making me worse. “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise’ Proverbs 20:1

So I decided to begin to see what a relationship with God would be like.  A real relationship, not only going to church on Sundays.  I mean everyday sitting down with him daily, reading the Bible and talking to him.  So I began to do this for about a month and I literally saw my life transform before my eyes.  That emptiness I felt was beginning to go away.  At that point I knew I found what I had been searching for, I found that “something more”.  At this point I was still drinking.  I read this verse in the Bible one morning and it said. “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8.  I took a good hard look at myself and I said “wow that’s me. I am not sober minded at all” At that point I decided it was time to put my new found faith into action and I began to fast.  I gave up my crutch and trusted God to allow me to walk without my crutch of alcohol.  It wasn’t easy by any means. “That your fasting may not be seen by others but 
by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in 
secret will reward you” Matthew 6:18

 I craved wine; I craved it at every meal. We went out to eat and I saw people drinking it and I wanted it.  But I didn’t get it.  Why didn’t I get it? Because I made a promise to God, I told him to better my life I would fast alcohol from here on out. I guess you can say that I put myself in my own recovery, but with the best doctor in the world. I have had alcohol since then, but I prayed about it before I had it.  I recently celebrated my 30^th birthday in March and we had a pretty big bash.  I asked God if it would be ok if I only had 2 cocktails and I believe he told me yes and so I did.  I asked permission to break my fast for only that one evening and I believe God allowed me to do so and I have not had alcohol since then. “On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Mark 2:17

Because I chose to fast I feel that God has rewarded me greatly. He has rewarded me with a better marriage; he has rewarded me with being a better mom.  He has released any anxiety that I was feeling. I have a better physical well-being. I am able to sleep at night without having to have 2 bottles of wine to knock me out. I am able to wake early and not feel like I just got hit by a Mack truck and force myself out of bed. I am able to think clearly and not make rash decisions.  I don’t stew about problems over a bottle of wine anymore.  I take it God and I get the best advice in the world. ““Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning” Joel 2:12

Sometimes we have to give a little to receive.  But let me tell you, giving up any crutch is well worth having a full relationship with God.  He allows you to have a life that has quality that has meaning that is really, worthwhile to live.  Because now you’re living it for him, not for you; when you live it for him you will have a life that is transformed more than you could’ve ever dream of.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” 2 Corinthians 5:17. 

Wait!!!

“Patience is how you act while you are waiting” an old saying that my grandfather used to say me every day when I was a little girl and it has stuck with me till this very hour. I looked up the word origin of patience and it is Latin and it’s derived from the word suffering. When I read this it clicked with me that being patient is not supposed to be easy, nor is it supposed to be fun or quick for that matter. I think that there is a huge lesson from patience really….it teaches you to trust in God, it strengthens your faith and your character

.

I get a lot of questions on what my biggest struggle is.  Well it’s really simple; I have a hard time waiting I am impatient. However; I am working on it daily to strive to become better. When I talk about my struggle I always get asked the following question. “How do you work on it?”  My answer is this “I pray daily for the Lord to help me I pray that he gives me the mindfulness to be more Christ like in my day to day life.” I also have reminders; I set an alarm on my phone a few times and I add a Bible verse to it to help me become more mindful of patience. My favorite verse is “Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”  When we are struggling with something we often times need a constant reminder to improve.  The Lord has helped me greatly with my struggle and I know he will see me through it.  I can only rely upon him and of course I must do my part also.

How can waiting strengthen faith and trust in God?  I find that it teaches you to trust him while waiting on your blessings. That you know that even in the midst of your turmoil God will provide! When I read the origin of the word it made total sense to me.  Being patient is not supposed to be fun, nor is it supposed to be easy.  However; God will see to it that we are rewarded in due time. I have found that sometimes I am not ready for what I ask him for, or it may not be for me. I trust in the Lord to make the decisions for me because he ultimately knows what is best for me. He knows what’s best for all us!  We may not understand how God works all the time, but know that he’s working all the time in us.  He loves you he cares you and he wants the best for you. Trust in him and know him. “for he will never leave you nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6

Focus

After I had my first baby I had severe postpartum depression. It was probably one of the darkest years in my life.  I remember looking around at everyone else who just had babies and they were so happy! They had this glow and radiance about them. However I did not, I had dark bags under my eyes, I was crying all the time and I really don’t remember being happy.  It had nothing to do with my son, I loved my son dearly, it was me.  I had some people give me advice on “what was wrong with me” some said I was just “stressed,” “just tired,” others even called it a “luxury” to have this.  A luxury it was not. It almost felt like a punishment that’s the only way to describe it. 

I remember sitting in the house and watching The Rachel Ray show and they were talking about postpartum depression. The girl who was being interviewed was describing her symptoms and a light bulb went off to me. I said “oh no! I think I have that.”  I remember I tried to seek some counsel from friends and family.  But if you have never battled that giant you really don’t know how to handle it.  However at that time I was too ashamed to go to the doctor and I took the advice I was given from family and friends.  I had people give me advice that should not have been advising me, to tell you the truth.  I tried to implement some of the suggestions that I was given and it just didn't seem to help.  I had individuals giving me there armor to wear to fight my battles and it didn't fit me. I looked around and all I had was a couple stones to fight my battle against what felt like a giant. I felt helpless. I felt alone. I felt afraid. I felt defeated. 

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is David and Goliath. This story is actually what helped me though the battle of postpartum depression (with all three kids).  When David was about to fight the Giant king Saul came to him and told him to use his armor because he had the best. But, David did something that was so amazing.  He put it on and he tried to walk around in it and he realized that he couldn't wear it because it didn't fit.  It worked well for Saul because it was customized to fit him.  David then said to Saul that fighting with a sword may have worked for you but let me fight the giant my way.  Saul agreed and David fought the giant with the sling shot and took him down with one stone to the forehead. You see, what I find so amazing, is not that David took down a giant with a sling shot. But, he didn't focus on the great problem that he was facing.  He focused on greater he focused on the Lord.  Saul, was only focused on the obstacle and the enormity of the opposition. However; David did not deny reality, he just selected on what he would give his attention to. David decided that focusing on the giant would not benefit him in anyway. So he shifted his focus, because he realized that no matter how big the giant is. God is BIGGER! (1 Samuel 17)

There’s a huge lesson from this story that I think often times we miss. When were faced with a battle of any kind we have a tendency to soul focus on the problem.  It doesn't matter how large the opposition is God is bigger. So instead of focusing on great, focus on greater, instead of focusing on big, focus on bigger, instead of focusing on the problem focus on the problem solver, because he will bring you victory. If you focus on the wrong thing you will be overwhelmed, you will be filled with anxiety, you will be overcome.  But if you select your attention and focus on God you will say what Abraham said when he was given a son at old age “is there anything too hard for God” (Genesis 18:14) And the answer to that is NO.  

When I was in my darkest hours of the depression I was only focused on the problem, I was only focused on how I was going to get through it. But when I read this story I realized that I was concentrating on the wrong thing. So I shifted my attention on the Lord and let me tell you every time he brought me through.  If we only center on our giants we will already be defeated and we can’t use someone else’s armor and tactics to fight our battles.  However; we have to use God tactics. He saved Daniel from the lion’s den and he certainly can guide us in battling our Giants.  Focus on the Great I am. Not on the great obstacle.