Never Give Up

You are capable of more than you know.  You can achieve what you have never thought you could accomplish.  You are important. Your life is significant, no matter how insignificant you think it may be. What you do matters. You are here for a purpose. You are not an accident. You may not have been planned by your parents, but you were planned by God.  Each and everyone of us hold something incredibly special that we have to offer this world. We have something even more special that we can offer ourselves. Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Hold yourself accountable. Put God first and all will fall into place.

I posted this video because every time I see it inspires me.  It inspires me to know that even when this cold dark world tells us that "you can't"...YOU CAN!  It may hurt, you may fall, but get back up because the end result you will be running.

On Purpose

I used to work with the deaf and hard of hearing before I began to stay home with my children. I loved it, I really loved it I felt as though it truly is my calling and I know it is. But, one day my daughter started calling our nanny mommy, and that just crushed me. So my husband and I decided that I should start staying at home. I put in my letter of resignation one week after I heard my daughter calling the sitter mommy. I began staying at home 2 weeks later.  I never envisioned myself being a stay at home mom to be perfectly honest with you.  I always had great dreams of working outside the home with the deaf and hard of hearing population.  But God had other plans for me. Plans that I wasn't certain about, I didn't understand how I could serve the Lord in the privacy of my home. It didn't make sense to me. I wasn't called to be a stay home mom (so I thought).   Proverbs 16:9 “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps”

Until last year, I really thought that being at home was only about cleaning, cooking, and running errands. But I was sadly mistaken. Being a homemaker means that I am to instill core values and life lessons into my children, most importantly teaching them about the Lord and making sure they are in a good Bible based church.  Yes of course cleaning the house and cooking is a part of my role, but it’s not the only reason why I am doing what I am doing. The reason is that I am able to impact the most important people in my life on a daily basis.  I wasn't living my life intentionally for the first 3 years that I was staying at home. I was just going about my day and feeling very un-fulfilled.  However; now I live my life with intention, with the intention to teach my kids about the love of father. Ezra 10:4 “Arise, for it is your task, and we are with you; be strong and do it.”

So, last year I decided to start waking up early in the morning with no questions asked to have my quiet time before my family woke up.  It’s hard waking up early…I know it is, truly I get it! But the hardest part is only getting out of the bed.  I wake up about 4.am daily and I intentionally do this. I do this because I want to make sure that I get my quiet time in alone with my father before I start my day.  I wanted to make sure that I put him first before I started my day.  I make sure that I set my alarm clock 6 days a week to ensure that I have my alone time with God. When I am alone with him, I am worshiping, journaling and studying his word which transforms my life daily. I learn something new every time I go to him. I learn a life lesson when I open up my Bible. It gives me time to reflect and I am able to live in an attitude of gratitude when I seek him first. Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.”

I am reminded daily from his word that we are not here on accident. We are here intentionally. We are here for a purpose. As I am reminded of this I wanted to make sure that I live my life with great intention. I wanted to make sure that I do what I am called to do on a daily basis to serve him.  By living my life on purpose because, we are all here for a purpose.  I am rewarded by peace, and joy of the Lord. I know sometimes we feel that what we do is mundane or God may not care about the little things. But, what I have realized is that we can serve God intentionally in any environment. Whether it’s at the office, or outside of the office, God puts us exactly where we need to be as the exact right time. Psalm 138:8 “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.” 

Locked Up

For 365 days I was locked in a prison cell. I was in that cell because I took something that wasn't mine. I was mad, lonely, I was angry; I thought by having something that wasn't mine it  was giving me some type of power, but instead of having power I had nothing. I had nothing in that prison cell. At times I blamed everyone else for locking me up; until I realized that I put myself in this prison.  

The prison cell was not an actual prison. Although it felt like it was. This was a prison that I had encapsulated myself in from holding grudges; from having un-forgiveness towards those that I felt that didn't deserve my forgiveness. I thought that by holding on to everything that anyone has ever done to me, was going to give me a leg up on them. But it was quite the contrary.  You see, I was really the one that was being held in a cell of misery, of pain, of anguish because I refused to let go. Luke 6:27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you”

As I was in meditation I was shown something in the Bible ““Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; Luke 6:37.  On that day I knew had to change.  I had to forgive those who had hurt me.  I had to forgive, not for them, but for me.  Once I forgave them and truly forgave them I was released from my prison.  I became more relived, I felt lighter, I felt happier, I wasn't carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore.  I was able to live a happier life. I also wanted to make sure that I had forgiveness reciprocated to me. Colossians 3:13 Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive”

Sometimes we feel that forgiveness is doing a favor to those who have harmed us.  When in reality we are releasing ourselves from the burden of holding on to such pain, stress, and heartache.  I never knew what real happiness was until I truly forgave the ones that hurt me.  I realized that you can’t go back and change the past. You can’t change a mistake. Most importantly what I have learned is that if we want to be forgiven we must give it and sometimes we have to do it daily.  Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”

Living in anger and in un-forgiveness is just as bad as being in prison cell. Let go of the anger, the pain, the hurt, the grudges that you are holding onto. Because, we never know when we might need the same forgiveness shown unto us.  Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Mercy and His Friend Grace

Three years ago my husband and I experienced a bump in the road in our relationship.  These bumps are not uncommon in any marriage; any marriage is susceptible to have hardship.  As I was reflecting on how we got through it the other day it dawned on me.  It was by the Grace of God.  At that present time I was very, very angry….enraged is really the only way to describe it.  I felt so helpless at this point of my life.  I have never traveled down this road before and I honestly had no idea how to fix our marriage.  But after a few weeks of trying to figure out how I would fix our relationship, or how my husband would fix our relationship I realized that I couldn't fix it. He couldn't fix it. Only God could fix it.

A few months went by and we were still struggling to get back on track.  I couldn't understand why this was happening. I didn't understand how our relationship could be in such turmoil…..I felt as though someone had died….that’s how much of a loss there was in our marriage.  I remember we would fight. We would fight like it was a fight to the death….it was really bad….I kept throwing things in my husband face….until one day.  I was reading in the Bible about the grace of God.  This particular day I was contemplating leaving my husband…and I opened my Bible to Titus 2:11 and it reads “ The grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” On this particular day when I was doing the convicting….God convicted me.

I was being taught that on this day when I felt that our relationship didn't deserve “my mercy” or “my grace” I realized that I was undeserving of God’s grace and his mercy….and that’s a scary thought.   James 2:13 says “For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy.” I thought to myself that day long and hard; that I was undeserving…I was undeserving of God’s grace and his mercy.  I am flawed just like everyone else I am no different.  I began to think about that, every single day of my life, I make mistakes and God still shows his mercy and grace to me.  So what did I do? I decided to be obedient to God. I wanted to be more Christ like so I decided that I would be merciful, show grace and compassion to where maybe it wasn't deserved, because I need the grace and mercy of Christ.

Although I made up my mind to be obedient to the Lord, it took time. It wasn't a miraculous overnight change.  I began to fast, and I cried, sometimes a couple times a day.... and I kept myself in prayer and in the word. Yes I was still upset at that time, but because I decided to show grace and mercy like Christ shows to me I became less and less angry and God began to restore our marriage. God honors us when we are obedient to him….being obedient comes with great reward. We are now blessed with a happy and healthy marriage. Both my husband and I changed with the help of the Lord. God used this as a learning tool for us.  To have greater value of our marriage to have a greater value for each other.We are still learning every day.  Just because we went through a hardship doesn't mean that we won’t go through one again. If we happen to reach another stumbling block we will have the proper tools that the Lord gave us three years ago to navigate through it.  Mark 10:9” Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

What I learned is that not one of us is perfect.  We all were created from sin, yet God loves each and every one of us.  What is so amazing about God is that he knows every single facet of our lives, yet he loves us in our entirety.  So today show a little grace and mercy to someone you may think might not deserve it. Obey God and he will bless your life more than you can ever imagine. “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

The Challenge

Earlier last  year I did a 5k mud run.  A mud run is exactly what it sounds like.  You run in the mud and in the process of this you have to complete obstacle courses.  Well, it was quite the experience when I had the opportunity to participate in this.  We did a number of things, such as swimming for a mile in a lake, crawling through a dark ditch which contained barb wire, and hopping a wall.  But, the most challenging part of the course was the gauntlet.  In this gauntlet we had to climb 11 feet using a rope and then in order to get to the other side of the gauntlet, you had to hop down about 4 feet onto a log.  Now here’s where it gets good. I decided to slide onto the log backwards (bad move by the way) and in this process I fell 11 feet onto the floor and on the way down I hit my shins on platform and I was badly injured.  However; I brought myself back up and finished the race.  If you don’t believe me I have the scar to prove it!

  

                                                            Let the race begin!

As I was thinking about this mud run today, I began to remember how hard it was for me to get back up on my feet. I was in so much pain. But, as I look back I was so happy to get that medal at the end of the race.   Every so often our lives become similar to a mud run.  We have to get down and dirty. Sometimes, we even have to fall 11 feet from the top.  But, the most rewarding part is when you can reflect back to that one moment in time and say “I survived!”  You may have come out with some scars, but it’s a scar that you brag about, because you turned that struggle into a triumph. Adversity is often times a test that turns into a lesson.  Meaning that you have overcome the obstacle, and now it’s your job to reflect and learn what you can improve on. A mistake should be used as a building block for the future, not as a weight to carry upon your shoulders for the rest of your life. Proverbs 24:10 says “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.”

 

Crawling through barbed wire

Waiting to do the final challenge "The Gauntlet" this is where I fell from, but on the other side. 

                                                   

God loves us in spite of all our flaws.  God doesn't look at us and say “look at that sinner, he’s a thief, he’s a liar” no, he looks at us and says “this is my son, this is my daughter and I love them” Friends we first have to forgive ourselves for the error of our ways and turn from them for good.  By doing this we open the door for God to bless us. We have to make sound decisions, and use our aberrations and turn them into something that can be used to glorify the Lord. Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" 

                                    This was me 59lbs heavier last year. but we made it to the finish line!  

Just like a mud run; life will get dirty, you will get hurt, and you will even have scars.  But don’t let your scars be a sign of defeat, let your scars be a symbol of courage and hope to those who are in the gauntlet of life. 1 John 5:4 “For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world and this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.”

Have a blessed day friends. 

For the Love of Discipline.

May 2013, I went to my primary care doctor for a well check up.  I had just given birth 9 months prior to this and I will tell you I was not happy about this visit, but it was necessary.  I placed my feet upon the scale (which I never did at home) and the digital numbers went from 150-175-195-200..and stopped at 250 pounds. I cried when I saw that number. I looked at the nurse with tears in my eyes and she said  "come with me!".  I walked down that long hall to wait in another room to see the doctor. The doctor came in and did the usual small talk with me you know the "hi' "How are you?" and then she looked at my weight and she said to me "Niccole, you have got to lose some weight otherwise you will not be here for very long to see your kids grow up." and at that moment I was scared. I was scared for my life.

 I went home that day and I was looking for any quick fix that I could find. Diet pills, drinks, special foods. You name it if it said "quick" I was reading about it.    But, as I was looking for a "quick fix" I was thinking about how I really felt.  I said to myself "how could I do this to my body?"  "How could I be so negligent?"  and then it hit me.  I really didn't like who I was. I didn't like anything about me for that matter.  I was punishing myself for being me. I didn't want to accept who I was.  I couldn't' accept who God created me to be. I felt out of my element. I felt out of control of my life. But then it hit me, it wasn't my life, it was the life that I was given, because my life it is not my own, it is the Lords.

Later on that week as I was praying and seeking God for answers I read this scripture that helped me "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" Ephasians 2:10.  This verse really gave me the hope that I needed.  That very instance I made a choice. I chose to love the person that God has made.  I may have veered off his path and went my own way for a while, but the wonderful thing about God is that he is merciful. “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy" Matthew 5:7.  

The following week I asked God"how I should go about this weight loss journey?"  he said to me "with endurance, self- discipline and perseverance"  and that was the day that I joined the gym. I walked in that gym and I was lucky that could walk 1/2 mile going at a snails pace but I did it...and those weeks I proved myself wrong everyday of what I was capable of doing. Those weeks  to follow my body ached in places I didn't even know could ache! But to my surprise I began to love exercising, this is where I found peace with myself, it helped me feel less stressed too!  The months to follow I proceeded to discipline myself in the hardest area and that was my eating.  "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it"  Matthew 12:11.  

But, the most amazing thing about God is that he will use something that we think is irrelevant to him to be used for his glory.  Because of this weight loss journey I have learned so many things about myself.  I learned that God wanted to teach me discipline, not only in losing weight but in all aspects of life.  I was really undisciplined in all areas of my life and for this reason I felt that my life was spinning out of control. Most importantly; my spiritual life was out of control.  I was very up and down with my prayer life and reading the word.  The weight loss taught me the value of having discipline in all areas of my life. Spiritually, physically, emotionally and even in relationships and finances.  The key is to trust God! with all that he has given us. Furthermore, he wants us to take care of what he has bestowed upon us.  "But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 1 Corinthians 9:27

I am a firm believer that God will use any opportunity to teach us. God has taught me the value of discipline, patience, perseverance , self reflection and self improvement not because he didn't like who I was, but because he loves me and he knows what I am capable of.   It may sound unorthodox that a weight loss journey could be so profound in ones life, but God allowed it to transform me to become the person that he has called me to be.  Not the person that I wanted to be.  Also God gave me this opportunity to improve my physical body since I need it to serve him. With his help I was able to lose 59 pounds and counting.  The weight loss of course is a tremendous part of his success for me, but what can't be seen with the human eye is the real testimony.  I know that I will stumble upon another season of life where the Lord has to teach me a lesson because he's not done with me yet.  God has a work to do within each and everyone one of us, and let us surrender our lives to him so that we can be used for his glory. "For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" 1Cornithians 6:20

More than happy

In the dictionary happiness is defined as “feeling, or showing pleasure.”   I find this extremely interesting, because I remember there was a point in my life where I didn't have that feeling.  It was about two years ago, after I had my daughter and I was battling postpartum depression.  I had this with my first two children but never this bad…and it was the worst time in my life. I felt sad all the time, I was crying uncontrollably I was even having terrible panic attacks, and I felt alone and I was afraid. I was even unsure If I could take care of 3 kids at one point.  People were telling me that I could control my feelings and at the time I genuinely could not. This was not a luxury to have; it actually felt like a punishment after having such a traumatic pregnancy that nearly cost my baby and I our lives.

But then one day something happened to me… I went to the hospital.  My doctor had given me some medicine that was supposed to help me and it only made me worse. I was having a horrible reaction.  I felt as though I was going crazy! Until something amazing happened to me.  I prayed.  For the first time, in a long time on that hospital bed. The doctor was coming in and was about to give me some sort of sedative to help calm me down. I looked at that doctor square in the eye and said “I’m not taking that” I looked at my husband and said “let’s go”.  I was petrified when I went home.  But I prayed all day, and all night. and I had so much faith that the Lord was going to see me though this.  I mean he saved my babies life and my life during my pregnancy.  I was certain he could help me through this.  I spent many nights crying alone on my bathroom floor because the road felt so long.  But,While praying I asked God for something that I have never asked him for before and that was his Joy. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

I felt like at that point in time I was trying to find happiness, but I was looking for it in all the wrong places.  I began read my Bible so much; that I even tore out some of the pages and I carried them in my pockets to help lift me up.  I opened my Bible daily to Galatians 5:22-23 and it says ”22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” I prayed day and night for peace and for joy. God was so merciful and faithful that he granted me his joy.  This part of my life taught me that the enemy can try to take our joy away, even at the happiest times in our lives. In this part of my journey I developed my perseverance in the Lord.  I even more so, developed an unshakable faith in God.

Friends I am telling you this because I want you to know that sometimes we search for happiness in the wrong places. Material things will get us nowhere; these are only a temporary fix. Hobbies will only get us so far, and you certainly cannot place happiness on people, because a person will always let you down.  Put your faith in God and ask him today and every day for his joy, because he is the only one who can satisfy what our souls require.  Nehemiah 8:10 “Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Broken

Here’s a fun fact! Did you know that there are over 100 uses for an egg? It’s one of the most widely used foods across the globe! I know our family easily goes through 5 dozen eggs in a week! And that’s on a slow week for us! But, did you ever stop to think, that if you never broke that egg it may not be used to its full potential?

To perfectly honest with you I was having a really hard day yesterday.  Life’s growing pains had gotten the best of me yet again and I was at odds with myself.  Meanwhile, I began to make some lunch in the midst of my despair and I was whipping up a hard-boiled egg; when I asked myself this question “what could I do with an egg if I never cracked it?”  And here’s my answer…. “NOTHING!” if the egg is not broken you cannot get the best use out of it….it would go to waste and eventually would spoil.  I then reflected on how I was feeling at the moment and I thought one word “BROKEN…..”

In 2 Corinthians 5:7 it says “For we walk by faith, not by sight”.  In really tough situations sometimes it feels like all we can see is the jagged edge path that we are walking on. But when walking by faith we trust that soon we will be on that beautiful sandy beach we are working towards.  We may lose our stepping and our direction and hit stumbling blocks.  But with faith in God, he will guide is to the proper path. 

In essence, we have to first be broken in order to become what God wants us to be. Our lives were not promised to be easy, but as long as we trust and put our faith in our Lord he will see us through.  We all have a finished product to become, and just like the egg we can only reach full potential unless we have been broken. Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”