Transformation Tuesday

I get asked a lot how did I lose so much weight?  The answer that I give is always the same.  Diet change and I added exercise.  Different types of exercise too.  I found that changing my body was much more monumental in my life that I could have ever imagined,  It took me not only on a new physical journey, but it took my on a journey to gaining confidence and a strong spiritual life as well.  Change is hard, with change your not comfortable, your always uncomfortable.  However; it's well worth it.  We only have one body, one mind one spirit, and we need to take care of all three equally.

 As a parent I want more than anything to teach my kids that they are worth taking care of.  That they shouldn't put themselves on the back burner. I want to teach them that in order to take care of others well they need to care for themselves first.  Physically, emotionally and spiritually .

You are worth it. Take care of you.  If your still here on this earth still breathing you are needed for something.


Happy Tuesday!

75 lbs down and counting! 

I Need a Doctor

There’s an awesome story about Jesus.  It’s about when he went to Jerusalem for a festival and in this part of Jerusalem there was a pool called Bethesda.  In this part of town there were a large number of people whom were disabled.  But, there was this one particular man; he had been there for 38 years and Jesus noticed him.  When he saw him he asked him this question “do you want to get well?” The man replied “that he had no one to help into the pool when the water was stirred” and then Jesus said to the man “Get up pick up you mat and walk” and at once the man was cured. John 5: 1-19

  

This scripture goes into conjunction with our lives at certain points.  We want to get well of whatever we are suffering from (physical and emotional pain).  But, it seems like when we try to get up we are unable.  What I find interesting about this, is that Jesus asked the man if he wanted to get well?  Seems like a silly question right? But it’s the perfect question. Because in order to get well, it requires the full participation of the patient, the man in the scripture was ill for 38 years and in one split second he was healed.  How? Because he believed and because for the first time he really wanted it.  Mark 2:17  On Hearing this Jesus said to them. "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Friends it doesn't matter how long you have been suffering, in a split second the Lord can heal you.  But the real question is “are you ready?”  Like Jesus asked “do you want to get well?”  How do we get well? Take action!  Pray read the Bible and develop a personal relationship with our Lord, and tell him you are ready. Psalm 107:20 says “He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave”.

No Pain No Gain

For a while I was using my pain as AMO...I was using it to throw in the face of those who hurt me. I had it locked up inside of me and I held onto it and I used when need be..while really the only one I was hurting was myself...I was miserable. I decided one day to give it God.  Literally, I was in my closet getting dressed and I said "I don't want to feel like this any longer"  I asked God to take away my hurt and my anger at the person who hurt me. The Lord heard my prayers and he took that pain away. How did that pain go away? It wasn't easy..... But I chose to forgive. Why did I do this?  because I am forgiven.  Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins". 

 The worst pain I've experienced in my life has brought about the biggest change in me. Spiritually, mentally, and physically. Does it still hurt? Yes. But I don't live there anymore. I moved on. I am better than what my past did to me. I am strong and fierce. I can handle whatever comes my way. Not because of my own capabilities, but because of what God has equipped we with. I thank him daily for standing up for me when I couldn't stand. He is my rock and my fortress. There is light beyond your darkness...there is peace where you never knew. Our pain is not meant to debilitate us, were not meant to live in it, we are meant to move on from it and learn from it. 2 Samuel 22:3 "my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge."

Thank You!

I am back! I've been over at www.christianwritiers.com starting my ebook, So I've been working like crazy getting it critiqued and looked over.. But I'm back! Thank you all for being so patient with me.  and continuing to follow.  I wont' be posting as much since I will still be working on my book, but I will be posting nonetheless.  Thank you to all my followers for sticking with me! and looking forward to continuing this journey of life with you and with our Lord guiding us.  If you have any suggestions or thoughts you would like me to write about please let me know.  You can reach me by email at  theprospectofjoy@gmail.com.  


Romans 1:8
... I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you ...

Never Give Up

You are capable of more than you know.  You can achieve what you have never thought you could accomplish.  You are important. Your life is significant, no matter how insignificant you think it may be. What you do matters. You are here for a purpose. You are not an accident. You may not have been planned by your parents, but you were planned by God.  Each and everyone of us hold something incredibly special that we have to offer this world. We have something even more special that we can offer ourselves. Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Hold yourself accountable. Put God first and all will fall into place.

I posted this video because every time I see it inspires me.  It inspires me to know that even when this cold dark world tells us that "you can't"...YOU CAN!  It may hurt, you may fall, but get back up because the end result you will be running.

Asian Beef

In our house we don't really eat steak...However; we were really in the mood for the other night. I decided to make this Asian beef recipe which is super quick and easy.  The flavors are perfect! and it's great for these hot summer nights.  Our family gobbled it up! Happy Friday! From my kitchen to yours!

What You Need:

1 ( 1 1/2- to 2-pound) flank steak

1/4 cup low sodium soy sauce
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
3 Tablespoons honey
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 Tablespoons minced fresh ginger
3 scallions, thinly sliced

Gluten Free Substitute soy sauce for Braggs Liquid Aminos 1/8 of a cup

How To:

Place the plastic bag in a large bowl and then add the soy sauce, balsamic vinegar and oil to the bag. Whisk in the honey, garlic, ginger and scallions. Add the steak to the bag, flipping it to coat it in the marinade, and then seal the plastic bag.

Place the steak in the fridge and marinate for about 2-4 hours the longer the better though.

When ready to cook, remove the steak from the fridge and preheat your cooking surface (grill or stove top grill pan). Remove the steak from the marinade.  Boil  the leftover liquid on medium for about 5-10 minutes.  Sear the steak on each side for about 4 minutes each side. Let the steak rest for 5 minutes and then slice it against the grain and serve. Once the marinade has finished boiling add it on top of the steak for added flavor. 

Transformation Tuesday

The one question that I get asked frequently about my weight loss journey is how did I change my snacking habits?  I was a horrible snacker before…our kitchen counter was littered with sweet goodies.  I would take, a bite here, take a bite there and it would add up quickly.  I loved chips, salsa, nachos, cakes, cookies, lots of sweets you name it! If it was terrible I was most likely eating it.  But what I discovered through my weight loss journey was that if I didn't kick that habit I was just going to the gym for no apparent reason and just eating my calories back in seconds….literally in seconds.  

 So, needless to say I changed my snacking habits drastically.  What I hear from so many people is that it’s the food…and I agree! the food is absolutely the most challenging part for all of us.  I know that if someone told me that If I had to spend 4 hours a day at the gym but I could eat whatever I wanted I would have no problem with that….The discipline is in the kitchen….

With that said I changed my habits…my snacks are typically around 120 calories or less and I’m a portion person…I think for everyone it’s different.  I like to have a lot of something so what I did was try to find things that were low in calories and that I could have a lot of.  Pretty much, I live off of olives, hot and sweet peppers, and spicy vegetables for an “anytime snack” If I want a little nibble this is what I go to because it’s quick and it’s satisfying to me.

These are exactly what I snack on a daily basis...

The Sweet Peppers are fairly large and you can have 3 pieces for 15 calories!

The Giardiniera which is my favorite (the spicy vegetables) you can have 5 pieces for 5 calories and for the Olives you can have 24 of these for 18 calories!

Like I said I am a portion person...If I see that I can have a plate of of all that for under  38 calories I then add a protein which is 2 laughing cow cheese wedges for 35 calories each  which means that I have a nice little platter that would be only 108 calories and it's super satisfying and delicious! 

64lbs down and counting! 

I am not a dietitian, I am only telling you what has worked for me.   Always consult with your doctor before changing your diet. 

A Challenging Career

I started working when I was 14 years old.  I was a bag girl at Publix (a grocery store) I worked there until I was 18 years old and I worked my way up to the totem pole from bag girl to the cash office. After that I started working at Sams club from 18-22 years old and I started there as a cashier and then I was promoted to supervisor fairly quickly.  No matter what job I had I always wanted to the best, I was always trying to excel and be the greatest I wanted to be on top at my jobs, and with this mind frame I was.  I have never been given an imperfect evaluation in my life and I’m proud of that!

 There’s has been one career path that is very challenging to me though….so challenging that I feel like at times I just don’t know what I’m doing….Do you ever get that feeling? For me the job that I have of being a mom is the most challenging and humbling calling that I have ever done.  There are times I don’t get a perfect evaluation….actually I don’t ever get a perfect evaluation. My job is not based upon performance like most jobs are….being a parent is job that is based on the product…the outcome...the child. I feel like most days I fail….to be perfectly honest with you. Romans 5:8 “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

As I was thinking about how I am sometimes at a loss at being a parent I thought of God. I thought that the mightiest being. Our creator….is our parent.  He gave each and everyone one of us free will and he watches day to day either to make good use of it, or poor use of it.  He looks down at us from the heavens and I wonder what he thinks with our decisions and choices? I began to ponder this a bit this morning and I thought “the mightiest powerful being is the most humble of all us, and he is our father”.  God is wonderful isn’t he?  He has the ability to take us out of this world at any given moment, but he has spared us our lives with the sacrifice of his one and only son….so that we could give live…by grace only. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it”

 I look at myself being a mom and I think day to day how I can give grace to my kids.  I find it to be a challenge because just like the rest of the moms and dads in the world we know what our kids our capable of.  We want them to succeed and be great human beings, not for this world alone, but for the kingdom of God.  The Lord keeps a watchful eye on us just as we do our own kids, but he’s got a bird’s eye view.  Knowing; that he has a birds view and we still mess up every day and every day we are given another chance. John 1:3 “All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made.”

The free will that God has given us is to be used ever so wisely.  We can either use it for his glory, or we can use it with selfish gain and gain nothing.  Being a parent; it’s hard to see sometimes when your children use their own free will ineffectively.  However; what I can say is that as a child of God I am grateful for all the lessons that the Lord has taught me while using my free will imperfectly.  I know that it’s my job to instill great values into my children and It’s the most important job I will ever be given.  I am ever so grateful that I don’t get a perfect evaluation on being mom, but what I am grateful for is for the sovereign grace and mercy that the Lord shows me every day while being an imperfect parent. Hebrews 4:10 “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need"

4 Ingredient No Bake Easy Ice Cream Cake

Today we were finally able to get out of the house and we headed on over to the splash park.  It's been raining just about everyday here after 12. So we have been in hibernation from noon till about 5pm due to the pretty bad thunderstorms we are getting here this summer.  Anyhow; I made this cake before we left this morning and I stuck in the freezer so it could set and it would be ready for the kids when we got home from the park.  It was a hit! and it's honestly a super easy thing to make. I actually made it for a party once too and it went over with a bang!  So cool off this your hot summer weekend with this easy no bake ice cream cake! it sure to be hit for you and your family!

Happy Eating from my kitchen to yours! 

What you need:

16 ice cream sandwiches 

16 ounces of Cool Whip

A bag of mini Ore cookies (make sure to crush them up)

Sprinkles

9x13 inch pan (Glass preferably)

How to:

Layer the bottom with cool whip, then put a thin layer of crushed Oreo's then lay the  ice cream sandwiches flat on top of the cool whip and Oreo's.  Repeat layering. Evenly spread the remaining whipped topping, and lastly add the Oreo's and the sprinkles to finish on top. Let freeze for at least 30 minutes prior to eating. 

Rest

As a family we take a Sabbath day it’s either Saturday or Sunday, but I've never really been one to rest. Honestly I find it quite difficult…I like to be moving and going and exploring.  With having three kids it’s really hard for me to find a little quiet time, it’s hard to find time to just rest.  But I've been learning that I must rest my body….also I have to teach the children that they must relax too.  You don’t really realize how important it is until you’re in a bad situation. Genesis 2:1-3 “So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.”

I got a cold last week Thursday and I never really took care of it. Sure, I did the usual vitamin C, chicken soup, took a little nap on Friday, but other than that life has been business as usual.  Well I went to the doctor yesterday after I left the gym, I was coughing up a storm during my workout and I felt a bit faint, which for me is not normal.  Anyhow, I ended up going to the urgent care clinic to get a checkup and turns out I have pneumonia. Pretty scary since I already have asthma; so I had to get an injection while I was there and was sent home with a variety of medicine and I was told to rest. I honestly was not prepared for that when I went to see the doctor I really thought I just had a cold. Matthew 11:28-30 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

But this taught me something; that even though I think I take pretty good care of myself with being mindful of my diet and exercise I also have to slooow down when my body tells me too. I think that it’s just as equally important as diet and exercise. With that being said I really do understand why we are told to keep the Sabbath day.  If God had to rest, well then we certainly have to as well. I know it’s super hard to turn down the birthday parties and say no to all the activities and such but it’s equally as important to keep up with your health and your sanity. Mark 6:31 “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.”

Last year I recently started to implement the Sabbath day into our weekly routine. The kids have activities about 4 days a week and of course when the school year is in session it’s much more demanding.  But I was noticing that they were getting wiped out, as was I by running them everywhere.  So I told them that on Sunday or Saturday is our rest day. We attend church on Wednesdays and Saturday evenings and we have home Bible study on Sundays…The kids like to watch Joel Osteen, so sometimes we just sit while having breakfast and watch him.  But I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to know that one day we don’t have to get out of  our jammies and we can just relax and enjoy one another’s company. Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Don’t forget our bodies and our minds are temples and it’s so refreshing to know that we are called to rest one day a week.  God knows what he’s talking about more than we can ever realize.  He knows that our bodies cannot go nonstop before illness takes over our bodies and even our minds (stress and depression) Resting your body does not make you lazy at all. It makes you rejuvenated and motivated for the week and it really gives you something to look forward to at the end of a long and busy week! Rest your body and Rest your mind and soul in Lord.  Exodus 20:8 "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.”

Transformation Tuesday

63 pounds down and counting! 

A Lot of you have asked me about when I really started my transformation for the Lord.  It started about last year and I weighed in at 250 pounds at my doctors office.  I joined a gym one week later..... I walked into that gym feeling like the biggest person in the room, and could barley walk 1 mile without being severely short of breath. After 2 months of faithfully going to the gym and eating well I began to see an improvement in my body.  I realized that I also needed to improve my spiritual health as well.  I began to read my Bible and pray daily and I put God first every morning.

My family and I always went to church but, we were off and on...But from that time until now we go weekly.  What I learned is that God used my physical stature to improve my spiritual well being.  God wants us whole. He wants us well to serve him.  When I was severely overweight I didn't want to serve him. I really did want to do anything more than I had to do really. But the transformation of my physical body made me look deep within my core and I examined many things that I didn't like about myself. I then decided that not only did my physical body need a change but so did my spiritual body.

I thank God everyday that I had to physically hit rock bottom, so that I could climb....I climbed the mountain of cant's, of impossibles, of laziness...I overcame them. By no means do I have a perfect body, however; I am a daily work in progress as we all are...physically, mentally and spiritually.  Do I fall off the bandwagon from time to time? YEP! but I think the most important part is to get back on and start again. Not only is it the most important part, but it's the hardest.  Believe in yourself, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are worth it! you are here for a purpose and you have a job to do! God wants you well and he wants you whole! Serve the Lord in all that you do and everything will fall into place.

Easy Cheesy Bacon Rounds

These Easy Cheesy Bacon Rounds are sure to be a crowd pleaser.  They are really easy to make and a bit healthier than the traditional potato skins.  These are also perfect for your fourth of July entertainment today! Enjoy!

What You Need:

4 baking potatoes, cut into 1/2 inch slices

1/4 cup melted butter

8 slices bacon - cooked and crumbled

8 ounces shredded Cheddar cheese

1/2 cup chopped green onions

How To:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C)
2. Brush both side of potato slices with butter; place them on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake in the preheated 400 degrees F (200 degrees C) oven for 30 to 40 minutes or until lightly browned on both sides, turning once.
3. When potatoes are ready, top with bacon, cheese, and green onion; continue baking until the cheese has melted

NOTE:  If your are in a hurry you can also use bacon bits for this recipe as well! 

On Purpose

I used to work with the deaf and hard of hearing before I began to stay home with my children. I loved it, I really loved it I felt as though it truly is my calling and I know it is. But, one day my daughter started calling our nanny mommy, and that just crushed me. So my husband and I decided that I should start staying at home. I put in my letter of resignation one week after I heard my daughter calling the sitter mommy. I began staying at home 2 weeks later.  I never envisioned myself being a stay at home mom to be perfectly honest with you.  I always had great dreams of working outside the home with the deaf and hard of hearing population.  But God had other plans for me. Plans that I wasn't certain about, I didn't understand how I could serve the Lord in the privacy of my home. It didn't make sense to me. I wasn't called to be a stay home mom (so I thought).   Proverbs 16:9 “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps”

Until last year, I really thought that being at home was only about cleaning, cooking, and running errands. But I was sadly mistaken. Being a homemaker means that I am to instill core values and life lessons into my children, most importantly teaching them about the Lord and making sure they are in a good Bible based church.  Yes of course cleaning the house and cooking is a part of my role, but it’s not the only reason why I am doing what I am doing. The reason is that I am able to impact the most important people in my life on a daily basis.  I wasn't living my life intentionally for the first 3 years that I was staying at home. I was just going about my day and feeling very un-fulfilled.  However; now I live my life with intention, with the intention to teach my kids about the love of father. Ezra 10:4 “Arise, for it is your task, and we are with you; be strong and do it.”

So, last year I decided to start waking up early in the morning with no questions asked to have my quiet time before my family woke up.  It’s hard waking up early…I know it is, truly I get it! But the hardest part is only getting out of the bed.  I wake up about 4.am daily and I intentionally do this. I do this because I want to make sure that I get my quiet time in alone with my father before I start my day.  I wanted to make sure that I put him first before I started my day.  I make sure that I set my alarm clock 6 days a week to ensure that I have my alone time with God. When I am alone with him, I am worshiping, journaling and studying his word which transforms my life daily. I learn something new every time I go to him. I learn a life lesson when I open up my Bible. It gives me time to reflect and I am able to live in an attitude of gratitude when I seek him first. Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.”

I am reminded daily from his word that we are not here on accident. We are here intentionally. We are here for a purpose. As I am reminded of this I wanted to make sure that I live my life with great intention. I wanted to make sure that I do what I am called to do on a daily basis to serve him.  By living my life on purpose because, we are all here for a purpose.  I am rewarded by peace, and joy of the Lord. I know sometimes we feel that what we do is mundane or God may not care about the little things. But, what I have realized is that we can serve God intentionally in any environment. Whether it’s at the office, or outside of the office, God puts us exactly where we need to be as the exact right time. Psalm 138:8 “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.” 

Locked Up

For 365 days I was locked in a prison cell. I was in that cell because I took something that wasn't mine. I was mad, lonely, I was angry; I thought by having something that wasn't mine it  was giving me some type of power, but instead of having power I had nothing. I had nothing in that prison cell. At times I blamed everyone else for locking me up; until I realized that I put myself in this prison.  

The prison cell was not an actual prison. Although it felt like it was. This was a prison that I had encapsulated myself in from holding grudges; from having un-forgiveness towards those that I felt that didn't deserve my forgiveness. I thought that by holding on to everything that anyone has ever done to me, was going to give me a leg up on them. But it was quite the contrary.  You see, I was really the one that was being held in a cell of misery, of pain, of anguish because I refused to let go. Luke 6:27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you”

As I was in meditation I was shown something in the Bible ““Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; Luke 6:37.  On that day I knew had to change.  I had to forgive those who had hurt me.  I had to forgive, not for them, but for me.  Once I forgave them and truly forgave them I was released from my prison.  I became more relived, I felt lighter, I felt happier, I wasn't carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore.  I was able to live a happier life. I also wanted to make sure that I had forgiveness reciprocated to me. Colossians 3:13 Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive”

Sometimes we feel that forgiveness is doing a favor to those who have harmed us.  When in reality we are releasing ourselves from the burden of holding on to such pain, stress, and heartache.  I never knew what real happiness was until I truly forgave the ones that hurt me.  I realized that you can’t go back and change the past. You can’t change a mistake. Most importantly what I have learned is that if we want to be forgiven we must give it and sometimes we have to do it daily.  Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”

Living in anger and in un-forgiveness is just as bad as being in prison cell. Let go of the anger, the pain, the hurt, the grudges that you are holding onto. Because, we never know when we might need the same forgiveness shown unto us.  Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

A Moment with Faith

Two years ago my husband and I found out that we were expecting! It was a really exciting time for us.  We were about to embark on bringing another life into this world and we couldn't of been more thrilled.  This was our third baby that we were expecting and we didn't really have a preference of what we wanted boy/ girl, it didn't matter as long as we had a healthy baby that’s all that we really cared about.

About 8 weeks into my pregnancy I began to feel like I was getting a little cold coming on….quite similar to flu like symptoms, but I ignored it took some extra vitamin C and went about taking my other two children to the play date.  We were at the park and I felt unusually tired (but this is par for the course of being pregnant, your always tired) anyhow, we got home and I laid down on the couch before we headed out again for another play date.  What was really odd is that when I laid down I went into an unusually deep sleep.  I was awakened by my daughter who was two at the time asking me for something to eat.  I sat up and felt a gush….I thought I had gone to the bathroom to be honest….I went into the bathroom and I saw what no women ever wants to see while pregnant. Blood. The blood was gushing everywhere; I couldn't get it to stop. I screamed it horror “NO!!!!!!” I was so terrified…what was happening to me? and most importantly my baby? I cried on that toilet seat asking God “WHY? “WHY? WHY ME?? DON”T LET THIS HAPPEN PLEASE!!!!…” and I called the doctor in a panic and told me to come in immediately.  My husband rushed home after he was told the news and we both rushed to the doctor.  Matthew 14:13 "Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?

 I sat on that bed…still feeling blood gushing out and the doctor asked me what’s going on.  I was trying to get the words out while I was crying.  “The doctor said it’s going to be OK, it’s probably all over now” I looked at him and said “what do you mean?”  He replied “you probably had a miscarriage, and it’s over now will check you out to see if we have to remove any extra tissue left behind” I began to sob…I couldn't catch my breath. I prayed in my head and asked God to help because at that point he was the only one who could help.  The ultra sound tech came in and they began to search for any remaining tissue….I turned my head away from screen because I didn't want to look.  I didn't want to face that harsh reality I was about to embark on.  The doctor said to me “I don’t know how to tell you this, but I see the baby, I see the heartbeat, the baby has been unharmed” I broke down even more. But this time it was a cry of relief…I was so happy that my baby was ok. I was then told that I had to be on bed rest until further notice. 1 Corinthians 2:5 "so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

We arrived home and my grandmother was there and she and my husband were the ones who helped take care of the house and children while I couldn't.  God provided in the circumstance.  He had the right people step in at a time where I could not. My parents, my aunt and my best friends also helped in the process by cooking meals and watching my other children and cleaning the house.  God knew what was going to happen before it was even going happen.  He had the lineup prepared in my uncertain journey of a shaky pregnancy. 1 Corinthians 16:13 "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong" 

The bleeding was just scratching the surface of what was happening to me though.  I was diagnosed with a severe case of Placenta Previa. Some women have it and never even know, but I had a very bad case.  I had seizures to accompany the bleeding; I had to take hormonal pills to make sure I kept the baby which then made me vomit daily. It was a roller coaster. But I was willing to take that pain for 9 months if need be to make sure I had my baby at the end of this journey. I was on bed rest for 5 months of my pregnancy with weekly doctor’s visits to make sure I hadn't lost the baby at any point in time. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"

 Many people who know what happened to me ask me, "how I managed to get through it with a good attitude?"  My answer is this. “I walked by faith not by sight” even though everything was looking like it was going to turn out for the worse I had faith in God.  I had faith that he would use this circumstance for the greater good. For his glory.  I knew that no matter what happened he had a greater plan and I trusted him.  My walk with him may not have been where it is now, but I always had faith in him. At that point in time I had no other choice but to trust in him.2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we live by faith not by sight"

I believe God uses circumstances like that for us to reflect on.  Even though I wasn't in the best of places with him at that time…he knew I would be where I am today.  With that said he allowed me to go through a hard situation to give him the glory today. At that time my best friend was my faith and I had many moments where all that I had was my faith. Isiah 43:7 "Everyone who is called by name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made" 

But here we are today, both happy and healthy and enjoying life.  Just remember God has a plan for you. Even though life becomes shaky and out of our control.  Just remember that as long as you keep your faith, and know that God has a bigger and better plan for you, you will never be shaken. Psalms 62:6 " Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress I will not be shaken" 

Life In the Fast Lane

About three years ago I was what some would call a pretty heavy drinker.  I would easily polish off a large bottle of wine every night by myself.  At that point our marriage was going through some pretty heavy struggles, I was a new bee to staying home with the kids and everything was so hectic all the time.  I remember I just kept going, going, and going.  I literally never stopped.  I remember that I had really bad anxiety at this point too.  If I remember correctly I slept probably about a good hour a night.  Which is why I began to drink very heavy, I would drink that bottle of wine every night no questions asked….because this was the way I would knock myself out to go sleep. I remember I would wake up every day with a terrible hang over….I was so groggy; I really wasn't ready to face any part of my day. I was unmotivated to do anything at all.  The most I would do was take care of the kids clean, the house and cook a meal……and I would hide…..I would hide behind those perfectly cooked meals and a perfectly cleaned home. I didn't want the outside world to see who I really was. I was a mess, physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally.

 At this point I wasn't happy at all. I wasn't happy with myself, I wasn't happy with my marriage, in general I just wasn't a happy person.  I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend one night, she and I had gone out to the cheese cake factory and we were chatting.  I asked her “do you ever feel like you just need something more?”  “Do you ever feel like that your just missing a huge part and you can’t figure it out?”  She replied “yes” so she and I kept hashing over what we thought we could do more of to become more fulfilled.  We talked about very shallow things to tell you the truth. We needed a new bag, a great pair of shoes, a new home.  You name it! If we didn't have it we were trying to figure out a way to get it to become fulfilled.

Fast forward about a year or two I had battled with almost losing our third child during pregnancy and almost losing my life as well. Battled severe postpartum depression, and heavy blow to our marriage I was becoming an even heavier drinker.  I was up two bottles a night and a couple “swigs’ during the day.  I added some hard liquor in the mix and a sleeping pill, to ensure I didn't wake up from panic attacks at night. I was so lost, and I was still looking for that missing facet in my life.  So at this point I started to do some serious soul searching. I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life in this pattern.  It wasn't making me any better.  It was making me worse. “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise’ Proverbs 20:1

So I decided to begin to see what a relationship with God would be like.  A real relationship, not only going to church on Sundays.  I mean everyday sitting down with him daily, reading the Bible and talking to him.  So I began to do this for about a month and I literally saw my life transform before my eyes.  That emptiness I felt was beginning to go away.  At that point I knew I found what I had been searching for, I found that “something more”.  At this point I was still drinking.  I read this verse in the Bible one morning and it said. “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8.  I took a good hard look at myself and I said “wow that’s me. I am not sober minded at all” At that point I decided it was time to put my new found faith into action and I began to fast.  I gave up my crutch and trusted God to allow me to walk without my crutch of alcohol.  It wasn’t easy by any means. “That your fasting may not be seen by others but 
by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in 
secret will reward you” Matthew 6:18

 I craved wine; I craved it at every meal. We went out to eat and I saw people drinking it and I wanted it.  But I didn’t get it.  Why didn’t I get it? Because I made a promise to God, I told him to better my life I would fast alcohol from here on out. I guess you can say that I put myself in my own recovery, but with the best doctor in the world. I have had alcohol since then, but I prayed about it before I had it.  I recently celebrated my 30^th birthday in March and we had a pretty big bash.  I asked God if it would be ok if I only had 2 cocktails and I believe he told me yes and so I did.  I asked permission to break my fast for only that one evening and I believe God allowed me to do so and I have not had alcohol since then. “On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Mark 2:17

Because I chose to fast I feel that God has rewarded me greatly. He has rewarded me with a better marriage; he has rewarded me with being a better mom.  He has released any anxiety that I was feeling. I have a better physical well-being. I am able to sleep at night without having to have 2 bottles of wine to knock me out. I am able to wake early and not feel like I just got hit by a Mack truck and force myself out of bed. I am able to think clearly and not make rash decisions.  I don’t stew about problems over a bottle of wine anymore.  I take it God and I get the best advice in the world. ““Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning” Joel 2:12

Sometimes we have to give a little to receive.  But let me tell you, giving up any crutch is well worth having a full relationship with God.  He allows you to have a life that has quality that has meaning that is really, worthwhile to live.  Because now you’re living it for him, not for you; when you live it for him you will have a life that is transformed more than you could’ve ever dream of.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” 2 Corinthians 5:17.